The Race For Lee's Book
by Getemono
Summary: FINISHED. story format. Lee has written a book on women and hid it. Of course, the men will try to find it, and the women will try to stop them.
1. The Secret

Disclaimer: I do not own tekken.

A/N: This first chapter is gonna be slow, but it has to start somewhere, right? I wanted to do an actual story with as much stupidity as _Tekken Interviews_. It might offend girls due to sexist thoughts/statements, and boys because of man-stupidity. The mentioned are extremely exaggerated, and are used for humor purposes. That said I present to you, _The Race for Lee's Book._

Chapter One: The secret

"You'll be back, Kazuya! You're gonna get hungry sometime!"

Kazuya ran into the safety of his jet black Mustang Convertible, stomping on the gas upon entry. He glanced at the side-view mirror to see the slim figure of Jun Kazama growing tinier as he sped of. He breathed a sigh of relief.

"Women," Kazuya muttered. "You can't live with 'em." He did not add the "you can't live without them."

But seriously, they were a whole other species! Touchy, clingy, oversensitive, emotional...bleh!

It's not like he had done anything wrong. Jun had bitten his head off over nothing.

Flashback

Kazuya sat on his recliner, watching the TV with little interest when Jun entered the living room. As she passed in front of the TV, Kazuya noticed something. Something he had to comment on.

"You're getting kinda pudgy." He observed.

"What did you just say?" Jun asked in warning tones. After a day of cleaning, she was not in the mood to be bullied by Kazuya.

"You haven't trained much, have you?" Kazuya asked. "Your stomach's not flat anymore."

"You jackass!" Jun shrieked.

End Flashback

After that, Jun had proceeded to chase Kazuya out of the house, _his_ house, might he add. The most appalling thing was that she expected him to apologize for his behavior.

What. The. Hell?

If anyone should apologize, it should be her. She was the one who turned his only son into a fruitcake. She was the one that stopped him from killing his poor excuse for a father. _And_ she was the one who made him stop sending male prostitutes to Lee's Condo. The way he saw it, he was just saving his adopted brother some money.

"Speaking of the homo..." Kazuya thought aloud. "I need to lay low for a while."

A smirk crossed his face as he took a left. He was going to pay Lee a little unexpected visit.

Twenty minutes later, Kazuya opened the door to Lee's Condominium. It was big, spacious, and eerily tidy. He made a mental note to add this to the list of reasons why Lee was gay.

"INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT!" It was Combot, creaking up to Kazuya, body poised similarly to Julia's fighting style.

"Code 1324, Lee's sexy." Kazuya said the code, cringing. Combot immediately shut down. "What a piece of crap." He added, kicking Combot as he made his way in. He noticed that his silver haired brother was nowhere in sight. No matter, he could still cause some trouble.

From their traumatizing childhood (courtesy of Heihachi), Kazuya had always been able to pry into Lee's secrets. His secret stash of money, his first crush, his after parties, everything. And how was he able to find out such a thing? You'll see soon enough.

Kazuya made his way into Lee's bedroom, and was surprised to see an absence of perverted posters and magazines. He was sure the pervert would have girls (or boys) plastered on every square inch of the place. Instead, it bore a similar presence to the living room.

"Kazuya, what are you doing here?"

Kazuya turned around and was face to face with his son. He sneered. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Hiding. Remember, I pissed off Ling and Julia? I've been here for a few days, hanging with Uncle Lee."

"Oh yeah." Kazuya said. "Didn't you say their boobs were smaller than Christie's or something?"

"No," Jin said indignantly. "I told them they shouldn't bother entering any more tournaments because their flimsy arms had no chance against men and bears."

Kazuya raised an eyebrow. Not even he was that tactless. "Where's the pansy?"

"Lee's been gone for a few hours, said he wouldn't be back until tomorrow." Jin responded.

"Okay, now scram." Kazuya ordered. Jin shrugged and left. "What a moron." Kazuya said under his breath. Making sure Jin was gone; he slid his arm under Lee's mattress, and retrieved his journal.

That's how Kazuya knew all of Lee's little secrets. The idiot wrote everything down and left it in the same spot! The same spot for forty years! Under his mattress, the left side, all his life!

If Kazuya had to be miserable with a woman, and Lee got to be happy without being chained to one, it only made sense that Kazuya should try to make Lee miserable.

He opened the journal and flipped through its latest entries. He usually didn't linger for more than a few seconds, as most of the entries said things like _The Mishima Zaibatsu will be mine!_ And _I think Anna got lipo...maybe she's sick? She better not have given me something!_

But he stopped as a journal entry caught his eye.

_Dear Journal,_

_I've decided to write a book that I will pass on to my sole heir. Not just any book, but __**the **__book. A book with all of my knowledge of women; their minds, bodies, how to get them, how to lose them; __**everything**__ that I know. The Chaolans will forever be known as specimens of perfection when it comes to the art of picking up chicks. In your ugly faces, Mishimas!_

_--Lee _

At first, Kazuya thought the idea was stupid. He already had to live with women, why would he want to read about them? But then again, there was no denying the fact that his brother was awfully good at getting women...

And then, the endless possibilities! Jun would never nag him again! With that book, he could get her to do whatever he pleased!

"My god," He breathed. "I'd never have to hear her talk again!"

He turned the page, and found that Lee had completed the book (that last entry had been quite a while ago, as Lee only wrote when he had a dirty secret eating at him). Not only that, but the little rat had hidden it! But, of course, his naïve brother had written precise instructions on where it was.

"So are you gonna try to find it?"

Kazuya was once again face to face with his son, who had been reading over his shoulder. He scowled.

"Get lost! You don't need a book on women, you have no love life!"

"Yeah, but that book can change that." Jin replied, a smile gracing his oh so very hot features (Those of you who read _TI_ know I'm creepy like that).

"For the last time, go away." Kazuya growled.

"Fine, I'll just tell Uncle Lee and mother dearest." Jin said breezily.

"Alright, you can come." Kazuya admitted defeat while Jin smirked. "But you better not screw up, or I disown you."

Jin's eyes narrowed. "You did that when I was in second grade."

"Oh yeah," Kazuya smiled at the memory of Jin hanging his head in shame. "Well, anyways don't screw up!"

"When have I ever messed up?" Jin started angrily. "My life sucks because of you and the old man."

"Stop whining." Kazuya muttered, placing the journal back under the mattress. "Let's get outta here; I don't wanna take any chances. We start the journey at dawn!"

He and Jin filed out of the condo (after reactivating Combot with code Kazuya sucks, which Jin happily said) and headed for a hotel. As they left, a certain red-haired Korean crept out of the closet. Why was he there? He had been laying low from Asuka, Julia, Christie, Lili, Ling...It's easier to say he pissed off every girl he knew. But, he had been hiding there before Jin, and without Lee knowing.

"A book for sexy Hwoarang?" He asked himself. "Aw, they shouldn't have."

He grinned as he pulled the journal out of its generic hiding place. "I'll be invincible." He murmured.

"INTRUDER ALERT, INTRUDER ALERT!" Combot had barged into the room.

"Ah, shut up." Hwoarang said, adding, "Code 1432 Steve's weird."

He thought that would make Combot shut down, but he had said a wrong code. Combot went on the computer and rapidly began typing.

"Whatever." Hwoarang muttered, returning to the journal.

Little did he know, that code in specific made Combot send the location for the book...To every tekken fighter.

**A/N: what do you think? I know, it's sorta slow, but it will get better, I promise. I don't think it will have too many chapters, but, who knows? R& R please!**


	2. the search is on

-1Disclaimer: I don't own tekken…

Chapter Two: The search is on

That dawn found Jin and Kazuya preparing for their voyage. Jin shoved the last of his baggage into the trunk.

"Uh, so where exactly is the book hidden?" Jin asked.

"Doesn't say exactly." Kazuya replied. "Just says that our first stop is… 'Bunny's House' where the hell is that?'

"Oh, I know where it is, I mean, I've heard of it before." Jin said, a heavy blush spreading across his cheeks.

"You're sick." Kazuya said, disgusted.

Meanwhile…

Hwoarang was sitting on his motorcycle, waiting for the light to turn green. He was one block away from Bunny's House.

"Gotta find the chick named Janet…" He muttered to himself. Then the book is all mine!" The light turned green, and he sped off. He reached Bunny's House, only to find a sign 'Closed' in the glass door.

"Dammit!" He yelled, seeing that it didn't open until nine. "Piece of shit place…" He complained. He made to sit on the corner, until he heard the screech of rubber on concrete. Coming into the driveway was a black convertible with the license plate Devil.

He quickly ran to the side of the building, out of their view.

"Kazuya, it's not open yet!" Jin yelled. "I told you it was stupid to start at dawn!"

"Shut up, boy!" Kazuya snapped. "We'll just come back at nine. For now, we eat." They then drove off to the nearest Ihop.

"I'll just have to make sure I'm in there before them. Ha, snooty Mishimas! Going to an actual restaurant when they're on a mission! Hwoarang is much smarter!" with that he went to the MacDonald's across the street. He entered, only to see Steve Fox waiting for his order.

"I guess I could use some help." Hwoarang thought out loud. "Hey, Steve!"

The British boxer turned, saw Hwoarang, and waved. He grabbed his meal and approached.

"Sup, Gov?" He greeted, sitting at a table. Hwoarang sat, too, and took a few fries before saying "You will not believe this."

"What?"

"There's a book, and it's hidden. It has all the secrets of women. Dude, do you have any idea how badly we could score!?"

"Okay…so what's this all about?" Steve asked, confused.

"Okay, listen, moron, the Mishimas --" here Steve gave a cat-like hiss. "yeah, yeah, we all hate them. But, yeah, they're going after the book too. At nine, we have to make sure we're at that place." He pointed across the street. "And we have to find some chick named Janet."

"Alright, I'm in." Steve agreed.

Meanwhile…

Craig Marduk came home with numerous slap marks, scratches and bruises. All the work of the "Williams Witches" as he now called them.

"Shallow, bitchy witches." He sniffed, getting the peroxide from his bathroom medical cabinet. "It's because I'm hairy and big, isn't it?" He asked his reflection. It grimaced in response.

"Shut the hell up!" He roared. He turned on his over-sized heel and stormed off. He decided he'd go online and write more of his "Marduk: the player" Fan fiction to make himself feel better. But then his computer called out: "You've got mail!"

"I have mail?" He asked, a little surprised. His face fell when he found out it was from Combot. "That's not a chick." He said sadly, but clicked nevertheless.

His eyes widened in disbelief as they scanned the message before him.

DEAR TEKKEN PARTICIPANT,

MASTER LEE CHAOLAN HAS WRITTEN A BOOK ON WOMEN. WITH IT, YOU WILL BE ABLE TO GET ANY WOMAN YOU WANT. YOU WILL KNOW ALL THE SMOOTH MOVES TO GET THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE. TO OBTAIN THE BOOK, YOU MUST GO THROUGH A SCAVENGER HUNT. FIRST, SEE A WOMAN NAMED JANET IN BUNNY'S HOUSE.

YOUR FRIEND, COMBOT

"He's not my friend!" Marduk exclaimed. "But I guess that doesn't matter right now…" He trailed off, imagining life with 'smooth moves.'

Caution: Now entering Marduk's fantasy world

All off the Tekken girls were in bikinis, fanning Marduk, feeding Marduk, giving Marduk massages…I don't really want to go into detail here.

"Oh, Marduk, you're so manly-sensitive, it's such a turn-on!" Anna squealed.

"Talk to us some more!" Nina urged.

"No, he's gonna talk to me!" Asuka yelled.

"No, me!" Xiaoyu argued.

All of the girls got into a fist fight, until Marduk broke them up.

"Ladies, ladies." He cooed (A/N: I'm cringing right now). "You'll all get a turn. But now I want…jugs." he pointed to Christie.

"Ha!" Christie cheered triumphantly, and everyone else pouted.

Back to safe reality…

Marduk stood with a stupid grin on his face for a couple of minutes before he snapped back into the real world. "I gotta find Janet!" He yelled before thumping off. The door closed, only for him to come back and write on a small note pad: Combot is not my friend. _Then_ he eagerly ran off.

Meanwhile…

Michelle entered her Arizona cottage first, followed by an exhausted Julia. They put their axes down, and Julia fell onto the couch.

"That's a lot of firewood." Julia commented.

"yes, but we'll need it all soon enough, so stop complaining." Michelle told her adopted daughter. She logged on to her computer, only to find a message from Combot.

"Julia, isn't Combot that wanna-be Mokujin that Chaolan built?" Michelle asked.

"Yeah, why?" Julia wanted to know.

"I just got an email from the little cretin." Michelle answered. She opened it, and glared at her computer.

"Does it think I'm a lesbian!? I'll kill it!"

"Mother, what's wrong, come on, put the axe down, he's all the way in Japan, it's no use." Julia tried to placate her enraged mother. Michelle angrily put it down and sat, moodily on the couch. Julia took her place at the computer.

"Michelle," Julia said after a minute. "It was addressed to all of the participants from the looks of it. It may have gender confusion…" Julia considered telling Lee at the next tournament, but then something hit her. "Ow, mom!"

"What, you were spacing out again. You know it freaks me out." Michelle said from the couch.

"Wait, if it's been sent to all of the fighters…you don't think the guys will actually try to find it, do you?" Julia wondered out loud.

"Nonsense, you'd have to be a pretty big loser to want that book." Michelle said, and began laughing, only to remember all of the losers in the tournament. She stopped in mid-laugh. "Right, if they get their hands on it…those poor girls! They won't know what hit them!"

"But Bunny's House is in Japan!" Julia exclaimed. "I bet they're already there!"

"Hold on, I'm calling Jun." Michelle said, running to the phone.

Back in Japan…

Steve and Hwoarang were anxiously waiting for it to be nine o'clock. They had heard some movement inside, so they knew it was about to open.

"Come on, open already!" Hwoarang said impatiently, tapping his foot.

"Uh, Hwoarang, what color is Kazuya's car again?" Steve asked nervously.

"It's black, like his heart, remember. Why?" Hwoarang turned only to be face to face with his rival, Jin.

"Steve, what the hell!? I told you to keep look out!" Hwoarang raged. He turned on Jin. "And you, ever heard of personal space?"

"Well, you know," Steve said. "I noticed a black car in the parking lot, and uh, then they were sort of walking towards us…I just wanted to be sure."

"Morons." Kazuya sneered. "How do you know about the book?"  
"What are you talking about? We don't know anything!" Hwoarang lied.

"That may be true in most cases, but not today! What else would you be doing at Bunny's House?" Jin interrogated.

"None of your business!" Steve yelled.

Just then, a curvy girl wearing…well, hardly anything came and turned the sign to "Open."

"Move, bitch!" Hwoarang said, pushing Jin and entering the questionable building. Steve quickly followed suit.

"Welcome to Bunny's House." A scantily clad woman greeted from behind a large circular desk. "How can we serve you today? Would you like to look through our Menu before ordering?" She slid a magazine with pictures of women much like herself inside.

"Ooh," Steve gawked as Hwoarang desperately searched through for Janet.

"Um, excuse me." Jin said politely. "We're ready to order. Is Janet available?"  
"No!" Hwoarang protested. "We want Janet!"

The slut looked confused. "Janet? Are you sure you don't want to look through --

"We're very sure." Steve said firmly.

"Uh…" The girl raised an eyebrow.

"What, does she not work here anymore?" Kazuya asked.

"No, sir, it's just that Janet has never gotten so much…attention before. Why don't all of you just follow me?" She said, looking a little confused.

The four men followed without complaint, although Kazuya directed death glares at Hwoarang and Steve. They were led down a hall to the last door. "Just ring the bell when you're done, and we'll get you you're check." The girl said hurriedly before running off as fast as her high heels would allow.

"What's with her?" Hwoarang asked, and they all shrugged. Kazuya shoved Hwoarang out of the way and opened the door.

What they saw in that room…probably scarred them for life. Janet was _not_ curvy and pretty like the girls in the catalog. She was not slender and she was not delicate. In fact, they weren't even sure she was a she. She looked a lot like…

"Marduk?" Steve squeaked.

"No, Janet." She answered in a gravely voice. Jin looked like he wanted to puke, Kazuya's eye twitched and Hwoarang clutched to Steve to keep from falling over; his knees had almost given out. Because yes, Janet did not look like all of the other girls, but she _dressed_ like all of the other girls.

"Now, what can I do for you, sweeties?" She asked.

"How are you keeping your job?" Hwoarang blurted out.

"Well, have I ever!" She said in appalled tones.

"I don't think you ever will." Kazuya muttered under his breath.

"Look," Jin said before anyone could say anything dumber. "We're looking for a book on how to score chicks, written by Lee Chaolan --" He was cut off by a squeal of delight by Janet.

"Oh, that handsome devil, he has a face carved by angels!" She cooed, and Kazuya bit his lip to keep from laughing.

"He did it with you?" Steve asked, getting grossed out from mental images.

"No, no." She said sadly. "He said he could never take advantage of me like that, said he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he broke my heart, bless his soul."

"My ass…" Kazuya muttered softly.

_Damn, he is good._ Hwoarang had to admit.

"Anyways," Jin continued. "He told us that for us to be able to get it, we had to see you first…do you have any information?"

"I guess that makes sense." Janet said. "He did tell me who knows where the key is hidden."

"He didn't just tell you?" Steve asked.

"No…he said it had to be more complex than that." Janet said, eyes clouded with reminiscing.

"Okay, can you tell us who?" Hwoarang asked impatiently.

"Hold on, sweet thing." She said, and Hwoarang forced the vomit back down as she got up. She padded over to one of the over-sized cushions and pulled out an envelope from underneath. She unfolded a piece of paper and began to silently read its contents.

"Hmm…" She said after a minute. "The person who guards the key's location is named Suzuki. She lives in some ancient ruins…used to be a temple, it says."

"Are you serious, I have to go to that piece of crap place again?" Jin complained.

"Yeah, yeah, anyone who was in tag tournament has been there, _Steve_." Hwoarang implied.

"I don't remember a Suzuki." Kazuya said.

"Uh, thanks for all your help." Jin said, slowly inching behind Kazuya due to the hungry stare Janet was giving him. "We have to go now." they all nodded and raced for the door. Jin and Hwoarang got stuck at the same time, until Kazuya shoved them (Painfully) out.

"They left just like Lee did." Janet sighed as Steve slammed the door.

Once out of Janet's domain, Jin rang the bell for the check, and the four men looked at each other.

"I think we should work together." Jin finally said. "We can score much more chicks together than what we could possibly score alone. Excluding Kazuya, of course, he'll just use the knowledge on mom."

"I don't know, if that book's all it's cracked up to be it might make Jun open to more possibilities…" Jin gave his father a disgusted glare. "Yeah, yeah, don't get your panties in a bunch."

"Kazama does have a point." Hwoarang told Steve. "I'm hot, chicks think Jin's hot, and girls dig the British accent thing. We could be invincible."

"Okay, truce." Steve said, and just then their check came.

"I don't like you, but I suppose it's better than you morons tailing our asses until we get the book." Was Kazuya's way of agreeing.

"Wow, that's not very expensive." Jin said, pulling out his wallet.

"Well, it shouldn't be." Kazuya said. "Alright, we'll have to take the private jet to the tournament island. Let's get outta here."

As they reached the front hall, they passed Marduk running down the hall towards Janet's room.

"What the hell?" Hwoarang asked, confused.

"Maybe she's his sister." Steve said. "And he came for a visit.

"OH, GAWD, IT'S HIDEOUS!!!" they heard Marduk's wail, followed by a "Well, have I ever!?" from Janet and a loud smack followed by a thud.

"Okay, maybe not." Steve took it back.

"But how does he know about it?" Jin asked.

"Don't know, but that means someone else might have gotten there first." Kazuya said. "And we have to hurry."

While all of this had been taking place, Lee had arrived at his condominium.

"Good afternoon, Master Lee." Combot greeted

"Salutations, Combot. Where'd Jin go?" He asked, hanging his jacket.

"He left for home yesterday." was Combot's automatic response.

"Brave man." Lee appraised his nephew. He went to his room. "Hey, who put this picture of a naked man on my bed!?" He yelled, outraged. "I know it wasn't Jin…Damn you, Kazuya!" He yelled, dropping to his knees. He had no proof that Kazuya had been there, yet he just _knew_ it had to be him.

And while all of _that_ had been taking place, Julia and Michelle were boarding a plane to Japan.

"Is this really that urgent, mother?" Julia asked.

"Yes, Jun says it could be lethal. Some of the other girls are flying over to help out." Michelle answered. They sat, unknowingly in the seats in front of Nina and Anna Williams. The Williams sisters noticed, and though they were disguised (they are assassins, after all), they stopped talking and began passing notes back and forth.

Do you think they're after the book, too? Anna wrote.

Of course, why else would they be flying to Japan? Nina wrote back. The Williams Sisters were not after the book to prevent the men from getting it, no. They were going to get it first, and then pawn it off. They had no plans whatsoever to meet up with the rest of the Tekken females.

As for Marduk, you ask?

"Ow, dammit, ow! Just tell me where the fricken book is already!" He yelled between getting hit by Janet's fists of fury.

End Chapter

A/N: hope you enjoyed this chapter, it was a little lame, I know, but it should get funnier…or not. Oh well, just tell me what you think. Love ya!


	3. More Factions

-1Disclaimer: No, I do not own Tekken.

Chapter 3: More Factions

Kazuya, Jin, Hwoarang and Steve exited Bunny's House, a little upset that they had to find a person to find a key.

"Lee's even stupider than I thought he was." Kazuya muttered angrily.

"Actually, I thought it was pretty advanced -- OW!" Hwoarang hit Steve upside the head to stop his compliment.

"Alright, we'll meet you at the Manor. Don't keep us waiting." Jin said as he ducked into the passenger seat of his father's car.

"Hey, why don't you take Steve with you? You have enough room." Hwoarang complained.

Jin and Kazuya exchanged glances before saying "Nah." That said, Kazuya drove off.

"Damn, Steve, why don't you have a car?" Hwoarang scolded his friend.

"Shut up, it's not like I live here!" Steve defended.

Hwoarang mounted his bike and slid forward a little more than he usually would. Sighing heavily, he said "Hop on."

Steve awkwardly climbed onto the motorcycle, then wrapped his arms around Hwoarang's waist.

"Dude, don't be so gay about it!" Hwoarang said.

"What, I'm just holding on so I don't fall off." Steve argued. But tried to wrap his arms around Hwoarang's neck instead.

"That's not any better, idiot!" Hwoarang yelled.

"Well, I'm _sooorrry._" Steve said sarcastically.

"Homo!" Some random guy yelled out from his window as he drove by.

"There's no way to do this without looking gay, is there?" Hwoarang asked rather calmly.

"Uh, no, I don't believe so." Steve answered, putting his arms around Hwoarang's waist once more. Hwoarang shuddered violently. "Get over yourself." Steve said as they took off.

Meanwhile…

Jun and Asuka waited impatiently in Xiao's house. Xiao had left an hour ago to check out Bunny's House and meet up with Janet. Jun and Asuka had been in charge of phoning all of the Tekken girls to set up their little meeting.

"Were you able to get a hold on Nina and Anna?" Jun asked.

"No, only their answering machines." Asuka replied. "When's everyone else getting here?"

"Tomorrow." Jun answered. "So we still have to wait for Christie, Michelle, Julia, Lili, and Kunimitsu."

"I thought Kunimitsu lived in Japan?"

"Yes, but she was partying in the Caribbean." Jun answered, rolling her eyes. Before the conversation continued, Xiaoyu appeared, looking harassed.

"You okay?" Asuka asked, and Xiaoyu stuck her tongue out at her.

"Are you kidding me? First, they asked me if I was applying for a job. Then, they kicked me out, cause apparently no girls are allowed. So I had to wait and eavesdrop on Paul, Marshal and Forrest."

"How'd they get here so fast?" Jun asked in disbelief. The two younger girls shrugged.

"Anyways," Xiaoyu continued her report. "Janet didn't know where the book was hidden, from the sound of it. She only knew where the person who knows where the key is hidden."

"Why does Lee have so much spare time?" Jun asked no one in particular.

"Hey, hold on." Asuka interrupted. "why don't we just call Lee and tell him that people are after his book. He already knows where it's hidden, he can just get it before any of the morons can find it!"

"Great idea, Asuka!" Jun praised. "I'll call him right now!" She picked up Xiao's phone and began dialing Lee's number. After a few rings, someone picked up.

"Hello, Chaolan residence, how may I serve you?" Combot's robotic voice answered.

"Hello, Combot." Jun greeted. "Is Lee there? We need to speak with him."

"Master Chaolan is gone for the rest of the week. He has several appointments with various females." Combot supplied.

"I see." Jun replied, annoyed. "Well, if he comes back earlier than expected, could you please tell him to call Jun Kazama?"

"Affirmative." Combot answered before hanging up.

"Well, Lee is gone for the week." Jun told Asuka and Xiaoyu. "go on, Xiao, what else did you find out?"

"The person who knows is in the ruins stage at the tournament island." Xiaoyu told them.

"Damn, I'll bet Kazuya's already taken the jet." Jun cursed. Asuka and Xiao stared at her, wide-eyed. "What?"

"You really don't want Mishima-Sama to get that book, huh?" Xiao asked.

"Of course not! He knows I find Lee very charming, if he got as good as that…" Jun trailed off.

"Well, not like we could have taken the jet anyways." Asuka changed the subject. "We have to wait for the others to get here."

"Yes, but how on Earth are we going to get to the island?" Jun asked.

"Leave that to me." Xiaoyu said, and the Kazamas looked mildly surprised. "Trust me, I know what I'm talking about."

Meanwhile…

"How are we gonna get to that dumb island?" Paul asked the Laws.

"Beats me." Marshal said. "Honestly, I don't think we can get to that island. Forrest, would you get the hell off of the phone?" Forrest only held up his index finger in rebellious response.

"Yeah, yeah, thanks a lot, Jim." Forrest continued his conversation. "We'll meet you there in two hours." He snapped the cell phone shut and faced his faction members.

"Problem solved." Forrest told them.

"How?" Paul asked.

"I have a friend in an airplane business." Forrest explained. "He said he could hook us up with a ride to the island."

"Great! Let's get going!" Marshal exclaimed, and the trio eagerly left.

Meanwhile…

Hwoarang carelessly parked outside of the Mishima Manor. Once parked, he shoved Steve off.

"And you wonder why they call you gay?" Hwoarang asked. "All those stupid yaoi fans taking pictures at the stop lights…you didn't have to hold on so tightly!"

"You didn't have to go fifty miles over the speed limit!" Steve shot back, still looking terrified.

"Come on, let's go to the garage." Hwoarang said, already over the issue.

Steve and Hwoarang went to the ridiculously oversized garage in back, which was home to numerous cars and motorcycles. Hwoarang knocked on the back door, behind all of the normal vehicles.

"About time." Jin opened the door, and they entered a huge room with a jet waiting in the middle. They boarded the jet, single file. Jin took his place as co-pilot next to Kazuya, and Steve and Hwoarang strapped themselves in behind them.

"This is your pilot speaking and I'd just like to say --" Jin started speaking on the intercom before Kazuya snatched it and slammed it into place. "Don't be stupid, boy. Prepare for take off."

Jin started pushing buttons, and Kazuya started the ignition. The engine screamed in protest.

"the hell?" Kazuya asked. He turned the key again, but still, it wouldn't start.

"We're too heavy." Jin said, reading something on the control panel. "I guess I have to leave the fridge behind…" He added a little sadly.

"Why'd you bring a refrigerator?" Steve asked.

"Because, I get hungry easily, okay?" Jin answered defensively before heading to the cargo pit.

"Drama queen." Hwoarang muttered to Steve, and he nodded in agreement.

Jin went to the cargo pit and grabbed an awfully oversized fridge to drag out of the Mishima Jet. He left, and the door shut close behind him.

"Wow, he didn't see fatass." Raven chuckled to King, and he sniggered.

"Shut up." Ganryu said defensively, although it was true that nothing short of a miracle had prevented Jin from spotting his large backside. It had been sticking out from behind a stack of boxes. Still, he glared at the gleeful faces of Feng, Yoshimitsu, Wang, Baek, and Lei.

Now what was such a large group doing in the cargo pit of the Mishima jet?

Flashback

Feng entered Bunny's House nonchalantly as he was (like most of the other male tekken fighters) a familiar to the brothel.

"Oh, hello Feng." The slut behind the counter greeted. "Shall I put you up with the usual?"

"Not so fast!"

Feng turned to see Lei and Wang enter the premises, Lei's gun aimed at Feng's head. The slut screamed and took cover under the desk.

"Lay off, Wu Long." Feng complained. "You got the scrolls, just leave me alone!"

"No." Lei said. "You misunderstand me. You're not getting Janice!"

"What? You can't be serious! You can't shoot me over that!" Feng yelled.

"Shoot him, Lei." Wang urged. But a long leg kicked the gun from his hand, and a muscular arm snatched it.

"Everyone step away from the desk." Baek ordered, pointing the gun at each of the men.

"Baek? That books for hitting on girls, not men." Feng said, and Wang and Lei laughed. Out of bitterness, Baek shot his arm.

"You son of a --" Feng's curse was cut short by Ganryu's explosive entry. The large man crashed through the doors and stole the gun from Baek.

"I guess the chubbies need some loving, too." Wang said before Ganryu could even open his mouth. The other men chortled and Ganryu seethed.

As Ganryu prepared to fire a bullet through Wang's frail leg, he found himself suddenly a victim of tag team. Raven slapped the gun out of his hand and Yoshimitsu caught it.

"This is getting kinda old." Lei complained.

"Oh, come on, you guys hate each other!" Ganryu sighed.

"Temporary alliance." Raven said. "Ninjas never get chicks, for some strange reason, and me and Yoshi are sick of it!"

"Never call me that again." Yoshimitsu said, shuddering. King flipped into the brothel and took the gun.

"Now, no one enters Janet's room but me." King threatened. A roar of protests began to erupt when a pretty, voluptuous slut who had been standing in the hallway interrupted.

"What is so great about Janet?!" She screeched, stomping into the middle of their argument. "why is everyone fighting over her? Enemies are even working together now, just for the fatass!?" She gestured to Raven and Yoshimitsu. "What does she have that I don't have!? You know what, just go!" She pointed the way to Janet's room.

"What?" Baek asked, confused.

"All of you chubby-chasers, just get out of my sight! I hate you! I hate you!" She ended her rant tearfully, and the men backed away from the deranged hooker.

"Hey, we all live far away from each other." Feng said calmly.

"What's your point?" Raven asked.

"If we all learn how to score, it won't affect us, not really." He told them.

"I guess it wouldn't hurt to work together." Baek agreed. The others nodded.

End Flashback

From there, they just had to coax the location from Janet (which was a lot of work on Raven's part, to whom she took a great liking). They knew that the Mishimas were as pathetic as them when it came to getting girls, so they just waited in the cockpit.

By now you may have some questions, like how did they get there before the Mishimas, Hwoarang and Steve, who entered as soon as Bunny's House opened? How did they get into the cockpit, and why didn't they just steal the jet? Well, those are all very boring and stupid questions, and we shouldn't waste our time.

The men settled a little more comfortably, preparing for the long trip.

"How are we gonna get off unnoticed?" Baek realized the flaw in their plan.

"Easy, we wait for them to leave and come back, then, Yoshimitsu is gonna use his ninja skills to hide up front and eavesdrop about the book's whereabouts." Raven explained.

In the front of the jet…

"Okay, got rid of the fridge." Jin announced glumly, resuming his position as co-pilot.

"Let's get this over with." Kazuya said, and the jet lifted into the air.

A/N: Yeah, sort of short, and nothing really happened, but I hope it was pleasing to you guys.


	4. Getting to the Island

-1Disclaimer: nope, don't own Tekken, and never will.

Chapter 4: Getting to the island!

"Xiao?"

"Yes, Ms. Kazama?" 

"You're kidding me, right?"

"Nope."

All of the girls had arrived a few hours previously, and now they stood at the docks. Xiaoyu had shown them their…mode of transportation.

"And just how the hell is _that_ supposed to work?" Christie asked, grimacing at the forms in the water.

"This is the best we have?" Michelle asked.

"Like anything else is gonna take us to the island!" Xiaoyu shot defensively.

"But, Xiaoyu, I… just really don't get how this works." Julia stated.

"I should have told daddy to buy me a yacht before I got here." Lili complained.

For their supposed way to the tournament island was none other than the Jack robots, all floating on their stomachs and ready to go.

"I guess there's no use in complaining anymore." Asuka sighed and hesitantly stepped onto Jack-2's back. After finding it secure, she sat, cross legged and waited for the other girls to follow her lead.

"How did you even get them to agree, anyways?" Kunimitsu asked.

"Jane owes me a favor." Xiao told them, and Jane nodded from a few feet behind the fighters.

"I just reprogrammed some of their settings, they'll take you to the island and back safely. You might want to drag them onto the sand when you get there, though, because they might float away." Jane instructed them.

"Here goes nothing." Julia said, and sat behind Asuka.

Meanwhile…

Anna and Nina had rented hand gliders, and had just begun soaring above the ocean.

"You don't think we'll crash, do you?" Anna asked, turning pale as she looked down.

"Well, there's a good chance you will, because you're so fat. But don't worry, fat floats, so you won't drown." Nina mock reassured her sister, who scowled in response.

"How much do you think we can sell it for, anyways?"

"We could probably sell it back to Lee for a fortune, he doesn't want anyone else as 'smooth' as he is around." Nina answered.

"Ooh, Jin's pretty rich, too." Anna noted.

"Don't forget horribly desperate." Nina added, and both sisters cackled.

Meanwhile…

Jin sneezed in the front of the Mishima jet. "Strange, I must be getting a cold."

"Who cares?" Kazuya asked.

"Good point." Hwoarang agreed.

"Who do you think knows where the key is?" Steve asked before Jin could say anything mean.

"As long as it's not as scary as Janet, I'm fine." Kazuya said, shuddering at the memory of the brothel worker.

"I don't think there's a monster out there scarier than Janet." Hwoarang said. "And I've seen a lot of scary things in my life."

"Like your mom." Jin said.

"Oooooohhhhh." Steve made the necessary background noise.

"You did not just say that." Hwoarang said threateningly.

"I just did." Jin twisted around in his chair to face Hwoarang. "And there's nothing you can do about it."

"Uh, maybe you guys should --" Steve was cut off by Hwoarang.

"Shut up, Steve. And you're the one to talk about ugly relatives, look at your grandpa!" Hwoarang shouted.

"If all of you don't shut the fuck up right now, I swear, I'm gonna stop the jet right now and beat the shit out of each and every one of your gay asses." Kazuya threatened, eyebrow twitching.

"But I didn't even say anything!" Steve protested.

"I don't care, you're mom's a slut!" Kazuya yelled.

"Ouch." Jin said.

"Don't worry about it, man, she's hot." Hwoarang said, and Steve looked disgusted.

Kazuya clenched the steering wheel tighter. Enemies in one minute, friends in the next, they were all morons and this was going to be a long jet ride.

Meanwhile…

"Forrest!" Marshal yelled over the roar of the plane's engine.

"What?" Forrest yelled back.

"I thought we were going to get dropped off _on_ the island!"

"Well, close enough, right?" Forrest answered his father.

"I'm afraid of heights!" Paul yelled in terror, looking out of the open door.

"Oh, come on, the plane just ascended." Jim, a young man with brown hair and green eyes told them. "Follow me!" They complied, tailing him into a small room, which was quieter than the main part of the plane.

"Now, what's going to happen is that you're going to jump off the plane _when I say to_. You're going to pull open your parachutes and land on the island. Simple, right?"

"I guess." Marshal said.

"Wait, how are we gonna get offa the island?" Paul asked.

"You'll have two hours to get whatever you need from that island, and then my plane will pick you up on the beach." Jim answered.

"We better not die." Paul growled to his comrades.

"Just don't look down." Marshal told his old friend.

Meanwhile…

The island was pretty much uninhabited. It didn't have much use now that there were cooler fighting stages, like in space or at a fancy pool filled with skanks wearing bikinis and dancing while a fight took place. Not that Heihachi had chosen to stop using the island, no, he had been kicked out. A particular woman had grown attached to the climate, and had 'arranged' it so that the island was hers.

"Hmmm…" She paced around on the old bricks, thinking. "So, I finally have some company. A lot of them, at that. And only a few hours to prepare…how rude. Lee could have at least told me." She grumbled, but a smile played at her lips. "Oh, well, this should be interesting…"

Meanwhile…

"STROKE!"

"STROKE!"

"STROKE!"

"These robots are driving me insane!" Lili yelled, hitting her head against Christie's back.

"Watch it, I almost fell off!" Christie warned.

"They could at least say it all in unison…" Michelle said.

"And it's not exactly a smooth ride, either." Asuka complained.

"Hey, what's that?" Kunimitsu pointed to a disturbance in the water, coming up fast behind them.

"Shark, kill it!" Xiaoyu yelled, and Julia glared at her.

But it wasn't a shark. It was none other than Brian Fury, swimming at turbo speed. He slowed to look at the pod of Jacks in the water.

"Is this the best you've got!?" the cyborg laughed.

"Shut up, Brian!" Jun yelled irritably.

"Let me guess, you guys are after fairy-boy's book?" Brian asked.

"You're after it, too?" Christie asked.

"Nah, I'm just swimming in this direction for no reason, what do you think, moron?" He asked, rhetorically.

"I don't think anything out there can help _you_ pick up girls." Lili said, wrinkling her nose at him.

"Why the hell would I want too? I'm a killing machine, remember? No, I'm not trying to find it for me, I'm trying to destroy it."

"Why?" Asuka asked, confused.

"Because, it'll ruin everyone else's plan." Brian answered. "I've been running low on enemies.

"Weirdo…" Xiaoyu sang out, drawing small circles next to her temples.

"Well, at least you're not ruining our plan." Michelle thought aloud.

"Don't even act. You guys wouldn't destroy the book. No, you'd use it to find out how playboy does it. Try to figure it out so you'd be immune to it." Brian said.

"Dammit, he's right!" Julia realized, and Brian laughed at the trouble he had caused before picking up his pace and zooming ahead.

Meanwhile…

"Are we there yet?" Wang asked.

"No!" The other stowaways hissed impatiently.

"Oh, okay." He paused. "How about now?"

"I'm going to kill him if he doesn't stop fucking around." Raven said, resisting the impulse to scream out of frustration, for that would be very un-cool.

"Please, master, knock it off already." Lei pleaded.

"Are we there yet?" Wang asked again.

The other stowaways grumbled and tried to block the old troublemaker out. In the front, however…

"Yes, I can see the island!" Jin cheered.

"Start the landing process." Kazuya ordered. They had a rather bumpy descent (they plowed down a bunch of trees), and in the end, Steve almost threw up.

"Don't you dare." Hwoarang told his friend, for Steve was facing in his direction.

"Let's go harass that person." Jin said rather cheerfully, and Kazuya slapped him upside the head.

"You're starting to sound like him." He jerked his thumb in Steve's direction.

"Yeah, I have that affect on people." Steve shrugged, and Hwoarang stepped away from him.

End Chapter

**A/N: yeah, another nothing-happened-chapter. Sorry, but those are just so fun to write. Here, I'll make it up to you by telling you this much about next chapter: more crash landings, except I promise these will be funny…or as funny as I can make them. Laters, people!**


	5. Mind Games

-1Disclaimer: tekken don't belong to me.

Chapter five: Mind Games

"Begin descent." Nina ordered her little sister, and Anna nodded. They both started to steadily decline towards the island.

Meanwhile…

"Okay, I taught Forrest when to pull the parachute, so just follow his lead, got it?" Jim told the two Laws and Paul.

"No." Paul squeaked.

"Oh, suck it up, Mister 'Toughest in the Universe.'" Marshal said, inching his way to the edge of the airplane. He gulped at the sickening height that lay below him.

"Come on, dad, hurry up!" Forrest said impatiently. _Why did I get stuck with the old people?_

"Here goes nothing…AAHHHHHH!" Paul had gotten impatient and pushed his best friend over the edge.

"Hey, that's kind of fun--AHHHH!" Paul was sent spiraling after Marshal.

"See you later, Jim." Forrest said, nonchalantly stepping out of the plane.

"Paul you son of a bitch!" Marshal screamed.

"What?" Paul couldn't hear him.

"Why the hell did you push me! I could have had a heart attack!" Marshal yelled.

"What?" Paul couldn't hear a word.

"You guys, move outta the way, there's a couple of hand gliders beneath us!" Forrest yelled.

"What?" Paul and Marshal yelled in unison.

"I SAID, MOVE BECAUSE --" Forrest was cut off when he landed, painfully, on Anna's glider.

"Nina, we're getting bombed!" Anna yelled frantically. Paul and Marshal fell on Nina's glider.

"You fat asses, get the hell off of me or I swear I'll--"

"Nina, we're gonna crash!!"

Nina, Anna, Paul, and the Laws screamed as the hand gliders plummeted downwards towards the island.

Meanwhile…

Brian cackled upon hitting the sandy shore. The females were quite a ways behind him, and though Kazuya's group had gotten a big head start, they were pretty lame, and he could easily reach the book before them. He went into a jog, only to trip over a very hard, very ugly object that was sticking out of the sand.

"What the fuck!?" Before Brian could even get up to investigate, the hand gliders (along with it's occupants) fell on him.

"Get…off…of…me." Nina managed to choke out. Paul rolled over.

"Thank god we landed on this nice, crazy Brian --Brian!" Forrest quickly sprang to his feet, not wanting to be within arms reach of the cyborg.

"I outta kill you." Brian said, slowly getting up.

"Stop being a little bitch." Paul growled.

"You nearly wet yourself when I--" Forrest was cut off by a punch to the gut.

"Everyone get off of me!" Marduk yelled.

"Ew!" Everyone scooted to give Marduk a two foot radius of space.

"Marduk? How did you get here?" Paul asked, but Marduk wasn't listening. He was ogling at Anna. She grimaced and ducked behind Paul, the biggest person.

"Marduk!" Marshal yelled, hoping to get his attention.

"What?" Marduk asked, annoyed.

"How did you get here!?" Both Laws yelled.

"The underground tunnel!" Marduk retorted as though it were obvious.

"What?" Nina asked.

"The underground tunnel from here to Japan!" As soon as Marduk finished his sentence, Brian pummeled him to the ground.

"I don't have time for this shit!" He yelled, running off into the forest. The Williams sisters and the Americans also realized that they had dawdled, and quickly began to separate in different directions. Slowly after, Marduk got up and thumped to another area.

Meanwhile…

Suzuki was a strange girl. She called the ruins her home, and was proud to claim it after kicking out Ogre and Heihachi. She didn't really do much, as she was alone most of the time. A hammock hung from two old pillars; her bed. It was a miracle that Lee had even managed to find her, let alone convince her to help him.

Suzuki the hacker didn't even look normal. She looked about seventeen, with hot pink hair and black cat ears perched on her head. Her blue eyes were slightly slanted, giving them a mischievous cat like look. She wore a navy blue trench coat with Chinese style buttons stitched down the middle. Though it was fitted at the top half, it fanned out at her waist, near her sword. She wore loose white pants that tucked into shiny black boots.

She grinned, and two pointy fangs showed among her teeth. "Well, well, looks like it's time for some mind games." She snatched her sword from its sheath, it gleamed with the word _Hacker_. She chuckled as she took a seat on the floor and stabbed the sword into the ground.

Meanwhile…

"So, where do we have to go?" Steve asked.

"Hell if I know, why would anyone live on this god-forsaken island?" Kazuya grumbled, unbuckling himself.

"Maybe she's a hermit." Jin suggested.

"Who cares? All that matters is that she knows where a key is hidden and we have to--" Hwoarang was cut off by a scream from the cockpit. Ganryu stormed out, clutching his head.

"I can't take it anymore! Make it stop! Make it stop!" Ganryu easily plowed through the skinnier men and down the ramp, onto the island.

"Damn it, Wang!" Lei yelled, following suit behind Ganryu. Raven, Yoshimitsu, King, Feng, Baek and Wang ran after him.

"What the hell!?" Hwoarang asked, as he had been stepped on by the emotionally unstable sumo.

"How'd they get on the jet?" Steve wondered.

"I could have kept my fridge!" Jin fumed.

"Well, they're not getting back on, come on, you're wasting my time." Kazuya walked down the ramp.

Meanwhile…

"Ganryu, what the hell was that? How are we going to get back to Japan after this!?" Baek scolded.

"It's Wang's fault, he wouldn't shut up!" Ganryu shot back.

"Look, it doesn't matter." Yoshimitsu spoke up.

"What do you mean?" Feng asked.

"I mean, I spied a little. Marduk knows an underground route from here to Japan. We just have to stick close to him." The other men paled. "Or beat the location out of him." He received vigorous nods in response.

"So, we're here now?" Wang asked, and the other men glared.

"Yes, Wang." Lei said slowly. "We're here."

Meanwhile…

"My god!" Julia yelled, stepping off of her Jack as it hit the shore. "That was the longest, most horrible ride of my life!"

"Tell me about it." Asuka agreed. "My ass fell asleep."

"Girls, get back here!" Michelle commanded. "We still need to drag the Jacks onto the shore. The younger girls groaned, but complied.

"Where are we supposed to go from here?" Lili whined.

"Look, I don't know." Jun answered. "Let's just look for some sort of house or something that someone would live in." It seemed reasonable enough, so everyone agreed. However, Kunimitsu was acting strange.

"Damn, girls, get outta my way! Gotta find Kazama…" She muttered under her breath.

"What?" Asuka asked.

"Not you, stupid!" Kunimitsu said. "Later, ladies!" She took off in another direction.

"What's up with her?" Xiao asked.

"She's always been nutty." Michelle dismissed it with a wave of her hand.

However, Christie was behaving strangely also.

"I do say, ladies, what are we doing out here? Perhaps we should leave this sort of labor to the men." Christie stated.

"Christie, what are you talking about? We're going against the men, remember?" Xiaoyu tried to refresh her memory.

"Heavens, no! That would be most un-ladylike. And goodness, what _am_ I wearing?" She wrinkled her nose at her outfit. "So revealing! I should be wearing something much more concealing than this!"

"The heat must have got to her. Let's keep going." Julia decided.

Meanwhile…

Anna and Nina walked along an old path, searching for Suzuki. However, Nina stopped and twitched for a minute.

"Nina, what's wrong?" Anna asked, stopping and turning to face her sister.

Nina didn't respond for a few seconds, but then her eyes lit up and she glared at Anna.

"Frieza! I thought Trunks killed you! Well, no more second chances!" Nina yelled.

"What? Nina, are you crazy!? AAAAHHHHHHH!" Anna had to run from her suddenly crazed sister.

Meanwhile…

"Did you hear that?" Marshal asked his companions. They nodded.

"It sounded like Anna." Paul noted.

"We just got rid of them. Come on, let's go in the other direction." Forrest tried to convince the others. Before a decision could be made, however, Anna came running past them. Upon seeing them, she hid behind all of them.

"What's going on?" Marshal asked.

"She's gone insane!" Anna squealed. Just as she said that, Nina came crashing through the trees. Her eyes narrowed at all of them.

"So, running to the Ginyu force? Don't mistake me for Kakarot, I will not spare you!" Nina yelled.

"What?" Forrest asked, only to be kicked in the face.

"I think she thinks she's Vegeta!" Paul said, ducking to avoid a punch.

"What, from DBZ?" Marshal asked.

But before that insanity could continue, Bryan came _skipping_ into view. Even the ill-brained Nina stopped her attacks.

"Like, oh my god, my shoes are getting dirty." Brian grimaced. Everyone's mouths hung open.

"Yeah, if you could even call those shoes." Anna's bitchy nature had shone through.

"You take that back! Do you know how much this cost?" Brian asked in offended tones.

Nina had snapped out of it, and ran backwards until she was a good distance away.

"Die! Hahahahahahahahaha!!!" Nina made wild hand motions as though she were blasting beams at them, and apparently they were getting hit.

"Uh, I'm outta here." Paul told them, and slowly, they backed away from Nina.

Meanwhile…

Marduk had been wandering around aimlessly, and was by himself until Kunimitsu ran across him (A/N: she's wearing her tight purple outfit with the half mask).

"Hey, baby, what's happening?" Marduk asked (yes, I felt that I needed to traumatize you all more).

Behind her mask, Kunimitsu cringed. "Out of my way, you Australian version of Big Foot! I have to find Kazama!"

"Why is it always about the Asian boys?!" Marduk cursed.

"I don't know what's worse, you being straight or gay. But, I suppose you won't let me go on until I beat your sorry ass." Kunimitsu took on a Tae Kwon Do stance.

Meanwhile…

"I'm tired of walking." King complained. He stubbornly sat on the ground.

"What are you, four? Get up!" Feng yelled.

"No, you carry me." King demanded. Before Feng could protest, King had climbed onto his back.

"Get off you freak!" Feng yelled.

"Quit messing around back there!" Lei called back.

"Yeah, be gay on your own time!" Wang scolded.

"Tell him to get off!" Feng told them.

"Just knock it off!" Raven snapped.

"I'm hungry! I want a soda! Why do we have to walk so much anyways?" King ranted. Things weren't going well for that group.

Meanwhile…

"I don't see anything." Jin said, squinting around the landscape.

"Curse that fruitcake to hell, I swear next time I see him I'm going to CHECK YOU FOR TICKS." Kazuya clamped a hand over his mouth. He had yelled the last part of his sentence, and it was a song title.

"What?" Steve asked, confused.

"Shut up you HOLLYWOOD GIRL." Kazuya scowled, unable to glare at anyone in specific.

"It appears that he can't finish his sentences." Jin said, a little happily.

"When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna ROCK WITH YOU."

All of the younger men howled with laughter, despite Kazuya's most evil glare being directed right at them.

"Okay, okay." Hwoarang wiped a teardrop from his eye. "Let's go."

End Chapter

A/N: Hope you all enjoyed this, I was planning on updating sooner, but then my computer wouldn't save for some weird reason…Please don't kill me if I chose one of your favorite characters as a victim, all for humor, okay?


	6. Blundering around the Island

Disclaimer: darn it, I still don't own tekken.

Chapter Six: Blundering around the island

"I still think we should be at home, I mean, I have so much cooking and cleaning to do." Christie said.

"Shut up, Christie!" Asuka had lost all patience.

"Where'd you get the dress?" Xiaoyu asked. It was true, Christie was wearing a knee length dress with cute little strawberries on it.

"A woman always finds a way." Christie replied.

"I should have just gone with Kunimitsu." Jun thought aloud.

Meanwhile…

Kunimitsu stood over Marduk's beaten form.

"Not very fast, are you?" She mocked, walking away. "Now where would I go if I was gay Kazama…" A thought occurred to her, and she ran in a different direction.

Meanwhile…

"Anna, get lost!" Paul tried getting rid of her again.

"No ways! I am not going to wander all by myself when Nina thinks she's Vegeta!" Anna yelled.

"Why are you after the book anyways?" Marshal asked her.

"Nina's a lesbian, she's paying me to help her." Anna thought quickly. Like she was going to tell them that she wanted to pawn it.

"Wow, really?" Paul asked.

"I didn't see that one coming." Marshal said a little awkwardly.

"Not really much of a shocker when you think about it." Forrest told them.

"Alright, I suppose you can stay with us." Marshal decided. "Just don't try anything funny."

Meanwhile…

King had finally stopped bawling like a baby. He was sitting happily in a cart pulled by Raven.

"Faster, faster!" King laughed.

"Why can't we just ditch him?" Raven complained.

"Because, if we need a decoy, he's going first." Lei muttered. The others nodded and they headed out.

"So, where are we going to go to find --" Feng was interrupted by Brian, who had come screaming towards them.

"Like, get away you crazy bitch!" The new valley girl Brian wailed.

"Not until you fight me, Kakarot!" Nina chased after him but stopped when she saw the group of men. To her, they looked like Cell, Cell jr., fat Buu, Kid Buu, Old Buu, Babidi, Dr. Gero and Super Android 17. "Never mind, we have bigger things to worry about."

"What is she talking about?" Baek asked.

"She's probably just PMS-ing." Wang blurted out, and the other men fell over laughing. That was too much for the Nina-who-thought-she-was-Vegeta. They dare to call the great Saiyan Prince a woman, then dare accuse him of having the Earth women's monthly curse? She charged at them. Ganryu noticed first, and screamed like a pansy to alert the others.

"Take him first!" Raven contemptuously threw King at the raging Nina.

"Ow! I don't like you! Ouch! Blonde lady is mean!" King cried.

"Quiet you fat pink imbecile! Kakarot, you're letting them get away!" Nina yelled. She threw the now pathetic King to the ground and chased after the group.

Meanwhile…

"So, _dad_, where do you think we should go?" Jin asked. Kazuya glared. He hated it when Jin addressed him as anything but Kazuya-sama, He-who-is-better-than-me, or Your Majesty. He found a coconut and silently threw it at Jin, who ducked.

"Well," Steve pondered aloud. "I don't think this person would be easy to find."

"Yeah," Hwoarang agreed. "I'm betting they're underground."

Kazuya's eyes gleamed with realization. He knew where they should look, but he wouldn't dare open his mouth for fear of singing out another song title. He needed to convey it to Jin somehow, as he had never been there (A/N: Kazuya wasn't in the third tournament, so he doesn't know where to go. And if you think he does, you should be quiet anyways, because no one likes a know it all).

Kazuya stood in front of Jin to get his attention.

"What?" Jin asked. Kazuya pointed to the ground. "Got it, you wish I was in hell." Kazuya rubbed his temples.

"No, I think he's trying to tell us something." Steve said, and Kazuya gave a curt nod.

"Okay, what?" Jin asked.

Kazuya pointed to the ground again. The three young men stared at it.

"Underground?" Hwoarang guessed. Kazuya nodded.

"Where do we have to go?" Steve asked. Kazuya shrugged.

"Well, that's a lot of help." Jin sassed, and Kazuya glared at him.

"What do you have in mind?" Steve asked him. Kazuya decided to mimic Ogre. He stretched his arm above his head to show height.

"A giant?" Hwoarang asked, and he was partially correct. Kazuya took out a lighter and blew at the flame.

"Dragon?" Jin had never been good at charades. Kazuya's face portrayed a deep loathing for his son.

"Monster?" Steve guessed, but at least he hadn't been in the third tournament. Kazuya turned his condescending expression towards Steve.

"Ogre!" Hwoarang was very good at charades.

"Well, what about Ogre?" Jin asked sourly.

Kazuya rolled his eyes. Could they get any dumber?

"Ogre is Suzuki?" Hwoarang tried. Kazuya slowly shook his head.

"Ogre knows where Suzuki is?" Steve wondered. Again, Kazuya shook his head.

"You know what, I bet it was a stupid idea anyways. Let's just ignore him." Jin decided. Steve shrugged and Hwoarang started walking.

"No, you freaking -GENIE IN A BOTTLE- morons! What I was trying to tell you is -ALL THE THINGS SHE SAID- that Ogre lives in the ruins, which is where we have to go! For the love of -WHAT HURTS THE MOST- god!" Kazuya exploded.

"Oh, the ruins, why didn't you just say so?" Jin mocked. Kazuya's glare deepened, if possible. "Well, let's go."

Meanwhile…

"Where are we going?" Xiaoyu asked.

"Into the ruins, where else." Julia answered.

"Why there?" Jun asked.

"Yeah, that place sucks." Michelle remembered the place.

"Well, where else would anybody live?" Julia asked them. Not able to argue, the girls followed Julia.

"Hey," Lili said after a few minutes of walking. "Isn't that Jin?"

"Yeah, and there's Hwoarang!" Asuka noticed.

"And Steve," Jun squinted. "And Kazuya." She nearly hissed.

"Looks like they're checking out the ruins too." Julia noted.

"I say, yoo-hoo!" Christie waved a handkerchief. Michelle tackled her down.

"What the hell is wrong with you, girl!?" She growled.

"A number of things, starting with the fact that I have just been tackled by a savage!" Christie yelled.

"Look," Jun ignored Michelle and Christie. "They may be stronger than us, but we outnumber them.

"So you wanna take them out before they can get in?" Asuka asked.

"Let's do this." Was Jun's response. "Charge!"

"Do you hear something?" Jin asked. The men turned and paled at the sight of all of the angry females charging towards them.

"Run for it!" Steve bellowed, and the men ran for their lives. They managed to get a good head start into the cave.

"Which way do we go?" Hwoarang asked. There were three tunnel choices.

"Come on!" Jin ran down the tunnel to the right. Hwoarang, Kazuya and Steve followed suit. They ran and only stopped when they could no longer hear the angry female fighters.

"How the hell did they find out so fast?" Jin panted.

"I don't know, I think they all have some sort of instinct…" Hwoarang trailed off. (Remember, none of them checked their emails).

"Kazama!"

Everyone but Jin whipped their heads in front of them. Out of habit, Jin had looked towards Hwoarang. Soon, though, he realized Hwoarang hadn't said it, as Kunimitsu stepped out of the shadows.

"Aw, crap, they sent someone ahead of them." Hwoarang stated, believing that they were screwed.

"Fight me, Kazama!" Kunimitsu demanded, bouncing lightly on her heels.

"What?" Jin was confused. Kunimitsu took notice of Hwoarang and stopped bouncing. "Who the hell is that?" She asked.

"Hwoarang." Steve answered.

"No, I mean, really, who is that?" Kunimitsu was leering (not that they could tell) at Hwoarang. "Really, you couldn't come up with a better imposter for me?"

"What are you talking about?" Hwoarang asked.

"Get lost, crazy fan boy!" Kunimitsu waved her hand at Hwoarang.

"Ah, hell no." Hwoarang advanced towards Kunimitsu. The other three sighed and got a little more comfortable.

Meanwhile…

"Dammit, which way did they go?" Michelle asked rhetorically.

"Who knows." Julia said hopelessly.

"I think we should take the center!" Xiao decided.

"Why not." Jun sighed, and they headed down the second tunnel.

Meanwhile…

"Quick, in here!" Feng called. Yes, they were still running from Nina. The men ran into the left tunnel.

"I will destroy you!" Nina's voice faded as they ran deeper into the tunnel.

"I hate her so much…so much…" Wang rasped.

"I don't like you guys anymore." King pouted.

"I thought we got rid of you!" Raven yelled, veins bulging.

"No, I chased you after the mean Barbie threw me away." He sniffed.

"Hey, maybe Suzuki lives down here." the thought occurred to Baek.

"Well, we ain't going back up there anytime soon." Ganryu said, rubbing his backside. Nina had kicked it as he was the slowest runner. They descended into the ruins.

"Do you hear something?" Lei asked. They all paused, stiff and alert.

"Yeah," Raven agreed. On guard, all of them slowly crept towards the noise.

Meanwhile…

"Ha, I win!" Hwoarang pumped his fist in the air with triumph.

"Damn you, damn you and Kazama both!" Kunimitsu cursed.

"Come on, let's go already." Jin ordered, and Kazuya nodded in agreement. They left the winded Kunimitsu and walked on.

"Do you hear that?" Steve asked the Asians. A low rumble could be heard.

"I'll bet it's Ogre." Jin seethed. "Time for revenge."

Kazuya had picked up a dry erase board (yes, from nowhere). 'For what? It was a good thing that he sucked up Jun.' He erased the message. 'Hey, maybe he'll do it again if we lead Jun down here.' Jin rolled his eyes.

They reached the bottom and found the source of the noise. A pink haired, cat eared girl was asleep on the ruins floors next to a sword that stood straight out of the ground.

"I'll bet that's Suzuki." Steve stated.

"Look." Hwoarang said in an awed voice. The rest followed his finger's direction to the ceiling. A replication of the scene before them could be seen upside down, then sideways, complete with snoring girl and staircase behind them. The only thing missing was them.

"What the--" Jin was cut off as they could see the females appear in the upside down scene, and the other men appear in the sideways scene.

"How is this possible?" Julia's voice sounded a few seconds after they saw her mouth move.

"Yoo-hoo!" Christie's voice called to them in slow motion.

"Ew." Hwoarang said plainly.

"Hey, hotties!" Wang called to the women. They all cringed. "Oh, wait, minus Xiao, cause she's my granddaughter." Xiao slapped her hand to her forehead and shook her head.

The Tekken fighters stood amidst the confusion, unsure of what to do…

…Until chapter seven!

A/N: Hahahahahahaaha! (gets hit by angry person) okay, I had that coming. Sorry for another nothing happens chapter, I'm just really lazy…oh, and sorry it's kinda crappy, it's getting late and I'm impatient. I still love you guys!


	7. Riddles

\/p>

-1Disclaimer: don't you people read Tekken Interviews? I don't own tekken!

Chapter Seven: Riddles

"What the hell?" Jin was confused.

"Do we wake her up?" Steve asked. Before Hwoarang could stoop down to pick up a rock, however, the other scenes faded, and they could no longer see the women or the other males. Suzuki lazily opened one eye.

"Oh, you're here." She said, sitting herself up on the floor. "As you know, I am Suzuki, the hacker. I assume you've come to find out where the key is hidden?"

"Well, yeah." Steve answered.

"How curious it must be from your point of view." She talked as if Steve hadn't said anything. "To come in and see me asleep in three different dimensions. And to know that each tunnel led to a different dimension. Now why would I make three dimensions? Hm…maybe I'll tell two groups a lie about where the key is, and only tell one group where the real one is."

"Great, tell us." Hwoarang suggested.

"Or maybe it's because there's three keys, and I can tell all of you where each one is, and then you'll all have to fight over them." She pondered out loud. "Or perhaps there's three parts to the key."

_Are you going to tell us anything useful or not? _Kazuya wrote on the board.

"Oh, maybe I should remove that annoying song spell I put on your vocals." Suzuki pulled her sword out of the ground, and in one swift movement, she sliced at Kazuya's head. The younger men flinched away, expecting bloodshed, but to their surprise Kazuya was fine, not even a scratch on his head.

"And what was that all about?" Jin asked.

"I played mind games on every group to slow them down…and give me some entertainment." She answered.

"Wait, how are you in three places at once?" Steve asked

"This is another mind game. For all you know, you're the ones on the floor and I'm just sending this illusion to everyone in the tunnels. Or, better yet, you're standing just feet away from the other groups, but you can't see them because I've blocked them completely from your mind." As she finished, Hwoarang cautiously swiped at the air, trying to feel for an invisible somebody.

"Are you going to tell us anything useful or just go into all of the worthless maybes?" Kazuya retorted.

"Touchy, touchy," Suzuki's ears twitched in sync with her reprimanding finger.

"Kinky." Hwoarang noted her cat ears. Suzuki squinted at him before taking out her sword and slashing at his head. "There, now you're afraid of theme songs."

"That's stupid."

"Timmy's just an average kid, and no one understands." Steve started singing the fairly odd parents' theme song. Hwoarang gave a scream and tried to run up the stairs.

"Yes!" Jin cheered, joining Steve.

"You don't seem like the sluttish type that Lee goes for." Kazuya commented as the younger generation made fools of themselves.

"Oh, no, no. I only helped him because I could sense the chaos his book would cause." she grinned at the sight of Hwoarang trying to run from Steve and Jin. "I suppose there should be some sort of test to see if you're worthy of knowing where the key is hidden…Ah, I've got it! A riddle."

"Oh, I love riddles!" Steve stopped pestering Hwoarang. Jin also stopped to listen.

"Ahem." Suzuki cleared her throat. "A woman has seven children. Half of them are boys. How is this possible?"

The men backed away from her to discuss the answer.

"I'm thinking one of them has to be a hermaphrodite." Hwoarang concluded.

"You know, somehow I don't think that's it." Jin said sarcastically.

"Is it possible to have three and a half kids?" Steve thought out loud.

"Hmmm…" Kazuya was deep in thought.

Meanwhile…

A similar conversation had just happened with the women and Suzuki.

"Why did you make me act like some girly-girl?" Christie asked, grimacing at her outfit.

"It was funny." Suzuki shrugged. "Now, prepare for your riddle. A farmer and his hired help were carrying grain to the barn. The farmer carried one sack of grain and the hired help carried two sacks. Who carried the heavier load and why?"

The women gathered together. 

"Well, the obvious answer would be the hired help." Julia stated.

"But how can two sacks be lighter than one?" Xiao asked. 

"Let me think." Jun said, brow furrowed.

Meanwhile…

"I was acting like a four year old?" King asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, and it was hella annoying." Yoshimitsu told him.

"Do you want your riddle or not?" Suzuki asked impatiently.

"Spill." Wang said.

"You're too old to be talking like that." Suzuki told him before reciting: "How many letters are there in the alphabet?"

"That's easy, it's gotta be 26." Feng said.

"Is that your final answer?" Suzuki asked, grinning slyly.

"No!" Ganryu said.

"Wait, which alphabet are we talking about?" Lei asked. Suzuki shrugged.

"This is stupid." Wang complained.

Meanwhile…

"Okay, so you're saying that if one of the kids had died, then there would only be six kids?" Jin asked Steve.

"Makes sense to me." Hwoarang said.

"I know the answer." Kazuya said quietly.

"What? What is it?" Steve asked.

Kazuya turned to Suzuki. "All of her children are boys, aren't they?"

"Oh, I get it now!" Steve exclaimed with realization. "If they're all boys, then exactly half would still be boys!"

"No shit, Sherlock." Kazuya muttered as Suzuki said: "Correct!"

At that moment, however, the other two groups had solved their riddles.

"The farmer carries the heavier load." Jun said.

"Why?" Suzuki asked.

"Because, he's carrying a sack of grain. The hired help is only carrying _two sacks_."

"Wow, you guys are pretty smart." Suzuki acknowledged a little grudgingly.

"For crying out loud!" Baek yelled at the rest of the group, who was going around in endless circles. "The answer is 11!"

"Thank you." Suzuki said dully. She had gotten tired of the stupid reasoning.

"How is it 11?" Raven asked.

"Because, she's only asking for how many letters there are in the two words 'The Alphabet.'" Baek explained.

Suzuki grinned and snapped her fingers. The other dimensions became visible and the three Suzukis melded into one. The clearance swirled a little, and the groups found themselves mere feet from each other.

"Kazuya, I'm going to kick your--" Jun was cut off by Suzuki.

"Now, now, no violence in my home." She scolded. Before she could say anything else, they heard footsteps descending from every direction above. "Oh, it looks like the rest have finally come around."

"Kazama! Kazama, this isn't over yet!" Kunimitsu came sprinting into view.

"Like, leave me the hell alone!" Bryan wailed.

"Get back here, Kakarot!" Nina demanded.

"I don't like being left behind!" Marduk decided the world needed to know.

"Oh my gosh, we made it!" Anna said happily. She was sitting on Paul's back.

"I don't know what you mean by 'we'" Paul grumbled.

"Okay, that's getting really annoying really fast." Suzuki said. With a long slash of her sword, the demented were restored.

"what the--" Nina shook her head.

"And now that you have solved my riddles three, I shall reveal to you where the keys are hidden!" Everyone grew quiet at Suzuki's words. She tapped the wall to reveal a room full of keys. The keys were of all shapes and sizes, scattered on the old brick floor. "There's only one for every group." She told them before sitting down on the windowsill. "and all of them can be found in this room."

"How are we supposed to know which one works?" Lili complained. Suzuki just laughed.

"Grab them all!" Hwoarang shouted, and dove for the floor. Complete pandemonium ensued. Everyone was clamoring for keys, but always had to make sure they were out of Marduk's falling distance, as it would hurt if he landed on them.

"They disappear!" Anna said in astonishment. She had just picked up a handful and was about to stuff it into her cleavage when they had all vanished in thin air.

"Oh yeah, if it's not the right key, then it vanishes to the touch." Suzuki said while filing her nails. Everyone hastily looked down to see if any of their keys remained. Nothing.

Amidst the confusion, Steve just stood and stared suspiciously at Suzuki. It would be just like her to say something with a hidden meaning…Their eyes met, and Suzuki put on a face of mock innocence. 

_She's got the key! _Steve realized. _She said she was in charge of giving the location of the key, I bet Lee gave it to her! _

_Wow, you're a smart one._ Suzuki's thoughts echoed in his mind.

_Are you in my mind?_ Steve thought back, shocked.

_No, you're just going crazy, yes, I'm in your mind!_ Suzuki thought, annoyed. _You'll find the key in your pocket._

Steve suddenly felt a small weight in his pocket. He kicked Hwoarang, who had just punched Baek away from a silver key.

"Ow, what?" Hwoarang asked angrily.

"I've got the key." Steve whispered. From there on, it wasn't hard to get Kazuya, but they had to pry Jin away from Paul, who he had been in a fight with. Suzuki winked, and they left the room without being noticed.

"What luck!" Jin exclaimed.

"Wait to go, Steve." Hwoarang clapped his back. Kazuya kept walking straight ahead.

"Well, I did go to Oxford." Steve said as though that explained everything.

"Oh, it's my favorite song!" Jin had been looking at the play list for his Ipod. He turned it up, and it turned out to be _Smallville's_ theme song.

"No!" Hwoarang started running.

"Knock it off." Kazuya said coldly. "Do you want the rest of the morons to notice we're gone?" Jin shut it off and Hwoarang relaxed.

"I was just trying to get the most of it." Jin sulked. "Suzuki told me it wears off in a few hours."

Kazuya shook his head as they exited the tunnel.

"Where do we go now?" Steve asked.

"She didn't tell you what the key unlocks?" Jin asked incredulously.

"Knowing her you probably had to ask!" Hwoarang yelled, angry at the thought of having to go back.

"Wait." Steve took out the key. It was small and bronze, with nothing at all special about it. However, there was a note crumpled next to it, which read: _I'm sure you'll have fun figuring it out_. 

"What a bitch." Hwoarang mumbled.

"Then it's obvious where we go next." Kazuya said.

"where?" Steve asked.

"Lee's place. He's probably been hiding it there all this time." Kazuya seethed, upset that he was unable to realize it sooner.

"Well, let's go." Hwoarang said, and they climbed into the jet.

Meanwhile…

"This is starting to piss me off!" Nina yelled, casting a murderous glare towards Suzuki. She waved in response.

"So…many…keys…" Ganryu had given up and was huddled in a ball in the corner of the room.

"Get up, fat ass!" Wang spat, kicking the Sumo wrestler.

"Marduk mad!" Was all Marduk was able to say in his frustration.

"ah, the chaos." Suzuki said happily.

End chapter

A/N: sorry, I know this wasn't my best, please don't be too mad with me. At the very least, I think I finally know exactly where I'm going with this. 

\/p> 


	8. Where to?

-1Disclaimer: If tekken was mine…well, I don't think you want to hear the rest.

A/N: this chapter is dedicated to **mirrors of illusion**, who so kindly drew Suzuki. The link can be found in my profile, or just go to deviantart and type in "Suzuki the Hacker."

Chapter Eight: Where to?

"Ow!" Lili shrieked. King had just stepped on her outstretched fingers.

"This is ridiculous!" Marshal shouted as yet another key disappeared with a faint _pop_.

"This is hilarious!" Suzuki laughed, eyes trying to absorb everything at once.

Jun's eyes also darted around the room. Why wasn't her ass of a husband (this is Jun thinking, not me, don't kill me!) complaining about this? She realized that Kazuya and his group were nowhere to be seen. She nudged Michelle in the ribs.

"What?" Michelle asked.

"Kazuya's party is gone." She whispered.

"They found a key without anybody else noticing!?" Michelle gave a harsh whisper back.

Jun nodded moodily. Michelle swore and doubled her efforts to find the key.

"Nina!" Anna crawled to where her sister was searching the floor.

"What?" Nina growled, not taking her eyes off of the ground around her.

"Your pansy of a son is gone!" Anna reported.

"You mean to tell me those morons found a key before we did!?" Nina snapped, looking at Anna. They both leapt out of the way as Lei was flung towards them by Bryan.

"Stop being a douche bag!" Lei yelled as he hit the ground. Bryan cackled maniacally in response.

_Hold on._ Nina thought._ Steve wasn't even crawling. He hates crawling around, something about sanitation…_ She shook her head in disgust. _Knowing him, he'd be thinking of every other possibility…_

Meanwhile…

Jin strapped himself in as the jet started to take off. Hwoarang plopped down behind him.

"No one in the cargo pit?" Jin asked, and Hwoarang shook his head.

"Good, we should go much faster without the fat-asses." Kazuya grumbled.

"I can't believe Lee." Steve started. "He gives the key to a maniac who pretends she only knows where the key's location is, then tells Janet, _Janet_ of all people where Suzuki lives, all the while locking the stupid thing up in his house!"

"Talk about no life." Hwoarang muttered.

"What do we do if we run into Lee?" Jin asked.

"That makes it all the more easier." Kazuya replied. "We beat the crap out of him, then get the book." The younger men agreed.

Hwoarang stared out of the window at the sky zooming past. That soon bored him, and he let his mind wander to what life would be like when he had mastered the ways of the book.

Now Entering Hwoarang's fantasy.

Hwoarang was wearing a pimp outfit, complete with large purple hat and a bitching trench coat. He was sitting in a throne on the side of a nightclub, and he was the only guy there. He had Asuka massaging his neck while Lili fanned him with a giant feather. He was watching Christie dance with Xiaoyu, and Julia walked up to him with a tray of various alcoholic beverages (strangely enough, I can see this scene being drawn somewhere by some Hwoarang fan). Of course, all of the girls were wearing slutty and trendy club outfits.

"Ah, this is the life." Hwoarang sighed, and all of the girls giggled.

In the real world…

"Do you think he's alright?" Steve asked, looking uncertainly at Hwoarang's goofy smile.

"Let's just pitch him overboard." Jin said, not even bothering to look back.

"Hello…" Steve waved his hand in front of Hwoarang's face. Nothing.

Meanwhile…

"My knees hurt." Forrest complained, rolling onto his rear to give his knees a break. He checked his watch. "And we only have fifteen minutes to meet up with Jim!"

"Shit." Marshal cursed.

"You suck!" Paul momentarily stopped searching for a key to shake his fist at Suzuki, who ignored him. "And you were named after a car company!"

"Ooh, I've never heard that one before." Suzuki replied dully, examining a long claw she had been filing. "I would make you think you were a monkey, but I'm afraid there wouldn't be much of a difference."

Across the room, an idea had finally occurred to Nina. Suzuki had the key. She narrowed her eyes at the strange teen. _I know you have it._

_Nothing gets past you, huh?_ Suzuki retorted, and Nina clenched her jaw.

_Give me one reason to kill you, girl._ Nina thought viciously, and Suzuki smiled.

_I wouldn't dream of upsetting the great Saiyan Prince Vegeta. You'll find the key in your sister's cleavage._ As Suzuki finished thinking, Nina saw her sister jump with a start and stare down at her large bust.

_Why would you put it there of all places!_ Nina silently seethed.

_Well, duh, the chances of you two being able to pull it out of there are slim._ Suzuki replied with a wide grin.

"Come on, Anna." Nina muttered before pulling her confused sister up the stairs.

By now the number of keys were running low, and everyone was getting more frantic.

"I bet that Wang has two keys," Julia started savagely. "And he's trying to find the rest before we can even get one!"

"Yeah, let's get him!" Asuka agreed, and they were both on the verge of jumping the old man before Jun and Michelle held them back.

"Don't be stupid!" Michelle hissed. "If anyone's hiding the keys, it's Ganryu. Look at all of those rolls of fat he could be stashing it in…"

Jun shook her head at Michelle. "No, look! Where are those three going?" She was talking about the Americans. Marshal was whispering frantically to Paul and his son, and they were trying to make their way up the stairs.

"Get them!" Xiaoyu screeched, pointing an accusing finger at the trio. Everyone else in the room looked up, and in a matter of seconds, they had charged at them.

"Xiao!" Christie moaned in disbelief.

"Maybe I should have kept that to us." Xiaoyu said slowly, watching Raven tackle Forrest down. Jun gave her the death glare.

"It's ours! Get your own!" Forrest yelled, rolling onto his stomach to protect his precious key.

"I hate the young people!" Wang exclaimed, and aimed a kick at Forrest's head.

"Good lord." King shook his head at the confusion.

Meanwhile…

Kazuya landed the jet in Mishima Manor. They _had_ gotten back a lot quicker due to the lack of weight. Stretching, all of the men exited the jet, and as Steve stepped off of the stairs, Heihachi pushed him aside.

"Hurry up, Kuma, or we'll never find her!" Heihachi yelled, running up to the jet. Kuma lumbered up slowly behind him, as though hating his life entirely. The door closed behind the unfortunate bear, and the jet took of yet again.

"Is he only now going to the island?" Steve asked in disbelief.

"Duh, he's always been two steps behind everyone else." Jin answered.

"And he didn't notice that we just got off of the jet?" Hwoarang asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Look, he's a moron, now quit wasting my time!" Kazuya had had enough of hearing about his father. "We have to go to Lee's."

"Alright, but this time we're riding together. Steve's horrible on a motorcycle." Hwoarang told him, and Jin sniggered.

They piled into Kazuya's car, and with many traffic laws broken, they reached Lee's Condo in great time.

"Crazy Asians…don't know how to drive." Steve's hands were tightly gripping the sides of his seat, and Jin had to pry him off.

"We're still not as bad as Americans." Hwoarang retorted. "Driving on the right…" Jin had a bad feeling that Hwoarang had refused to drive on the right while visiting America (Non-canon).

They made their way up to Lee's room. As usual, they shut down Combot before he had even had the chance to yell: INTRUDER ALERT.

"Alright, start looking." Kazuya ordered, and immediately began going through Lee's closet.

"He-he, Kazuya's in the closet." Jin chuckled to himself. One of Lee's violet shirts was thrown at his head. "Ew! It's so ugly! Get it off! Get it off!" Jin yanked the material off of his head and flung it to the ground.

"Hey, he's been here recently." Hwoarang said from Lee's bed.

"I wouldn't be laying on that if I were you." Steve said, and Jin nodded vigorously in agreement. Hwoarang paid them no mind as he was reading Lee's journal.

"See, this is from just yesterday." He said. He cleared his throat and read:

"_Dear Journal,_

_My five-in-a-row spree was sadly interrupted. Some cheap whore didn't have any condoms. After that I was put off, so I decided to come back and update. Combot's been acting strange lately, I think Kazuya may have been around and messing with him. Damn Kazuya! I hate him! I hate him so much! _ Yeah, it goes on like that for the rest of the page." Hwoarang said. "But he goes on in the next page. _But even if Kazuya has been nosing around, at least he still hasn't found you, or my precious book. Just to make sure I checked. Hmm, I wonder what other fighters would write about. Heavens knows none of them have any talent. Alright, I'm bored, so I'm going to come up with books they'd probably write._"

Hwoarang's eyes again scanned the page, and he started laughing. "Look what he wrote about Jin! _Boo-Hoo; The Story of My Life_. Ha! How much truer do you get!" He and Steve started howling with laughter, but Jin grabbed the book and started angrily looking through the made-up titles.

"So nice you enjoyed that, hope you'll like these." Jin said. "_At Least it's Roomy in My Walk-In Closet _by Steve Fox, and _Life is Cold and Lonely in Jin's Shadow _by Hwoarang."

"Oh, that's funny coming from him!" Steve bristled.

"I don't live in _your_ shadow!" Hwoarang sounded disgusted.

Jin smirked before reading on. "_Pulling off the Duck-Butt _ by Kazuya Mishima (Here Kazuya glared, and muttered: "You have the same style, stupid!), _Stalking for Dummies, by a Dummy_ by Ling Xiaoyu, _So you're in Love with a Fat-Ass? _By Lili Rochefort, _Stuck with You and You're Crazy Ass family _By Jun Kazama…Ouch, there's a lot of mean ones." Jin went on, but Kazuya closed the small book.

"Well, if anything ever proved that Lee had no life…" Steve trailed off, looking through Lee's nightstand.

"I'm not seeing any safes." Hwoarang told them as he lifted a portrait off of the wall.

"Keep looking. I know he has it here somewhere." Kazuya said. "Or at least a clue…"

Meanwhile…

"Jim!" Forrest yelled at the top of his lungs. He, along with his father and Paul, were frantically running across the sandy shore.

"What took you so long! I was about to--" Jim was cut off by Paul.

"START THE PLANE!" The Americans had managed to escape Suzuki's lair with their key in tow, and most of the other fighters had gone back to looking for their own keys, but Marduk had refused to give up. Indeed, he was thundering behind them, every footfall sending sand flying all around him. Jim finally caught sight of him and ran to the pilot.

The engine started and slowly began to lift. Marshal reached the plane first. Heart pumping, he jumped onto the plane then turned to help his son aboard. The plane was about ten feet into the air, and Paul had to jump with all his might to reach it in time. He clung to the sides of the door with his arms, and was on the point of pulling himself up when Marduk grabbed hold of his ankles.

"We're too heavy!" Jim called from the next room. When Marduk had jumped on, the plane had slanted dangerously towards him. (It's a small plane, but still…)

"Don't leave me!" Paul yelled, frantically trying to free his legs.

"Kick him off!" Marshal screamed. Marshal ran to the back and returned with a beer bottle.

"Get off!" He roared threateningly before hurling the bottle at the large man's head. It hit its target, and Marduk went spiraling down. Breathless, the Laws pulled the shaken Paul onto the plane.

"I thought I was gonna die!" Paul said melodramatically.

"Get a grip." Jim said, rolling his eyes. He turned to Forrest. "So, did you guys get what you needed?"

"Sure did." Forrest grinned, pulling out a key. Jim squinted at it.

"No, it couldn't be…" Jim murmured, staring at the key.

"What, do you know what it opens?" Marshal asked.

"I might. Men, your search may very well be near over." Jim answered.

End Chapter

A/N: Okay, I hope that was a little funnier than the last chapter. R&R, okay?


	9. Finally, A Lead!

-1Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII. Oh wait, I mean Tekken. I don't own Tekken.

Chapter Nine: Finally, A Lead!

"Where does the key fit in?" Forrest asked curiously.

"Set course for G-Corp labs." Jim told the pilot.

"G-Corp? Why would Lee hide it in G-Corp?" Marshal asked.

"I don't know, just trust me when I say I know it's in G-Corp. How do you think my stupid boss gets so much dirt on the fighters? She has me infiltrate major companies." Jim said, and he narrowed his eyes at the thought of his boss.

"After this, we'll finally have the book?" Forrest asked in disbelief.

"Yep." Jim replied. "Uh, is he gonna be okay?" He pointed at Paul, who was shaking in the corner.

"Yeah, he's just scared of Marduk." Marshal answered.

Meanwhile…

"Kazuya, I don't think it's here." Jin whined from under the bed.

"Seriously." Hwoarang agreed from a high shelf.

"Hm…" Steve took out the key to examine it again. Kazuya saw it, and his eyes widened in recognition.

"No…" Kazuya murmured. "Not her…"

"What?" Steve asked. Jin poked his head out from under the bed.

"What is it Kazuya?" He asked.

"We're leaving." He answered shortly, and, exchanging confused looks, Jin, Steve and Hwoarang trailed along behind him.

Meanwhile…

"Visit soon!" Suzuki waved out the female group, as they were the last to leave.

"I hate you…" Michelle muttered.

"Where to from here?" Christie asked.

"Give me your key!" Marduk was running towards them on the shore. Xiaoyu shrieked and pushed Kunimitsu down.

"I don't have to be the fastest, I only have to be faster than you!" She yelled, but before she could run away, Asuka pulled on the collar of her shirt.

"Go away!" Jun hollered, and kicked him in the family jewels--**hard**. They all stepped over or on his fallen form before dragging the Jack robots into the water.

"Can I see the key?" Julia asked, and Lili handed it to her.

"STROKE!" The Jacks began.

"I need an aspirin." Jun complained, rubbing her temples.

"Oh, not her!" Julia glared at the key in her hand.

"Who, what's wrong, Julia?" Xiaoyu asked from behind her.

"Lee hid the book in G-Corp!" Julia said angrily.

"So, you should be able to get it easily!" Lili said happily.

"No, he gave it to woman's worst enemy!" Julia explained. "She's awful!"

"Worse than Suzuki?" Asuka asked skeptically.

"Trust me, you'll hate her." Julia replied.

"Look, we're all very able fighters." Jun responded. "We'll just beat whomever this is up." The rest of the girls looked a little shocked. "If she doesn't listen to reason." Jun added. Julia still looked unconvinced.

Meanwhile…

Anna and Nina crept along the underground tunnel, not speaking as they were accompanied by Wang's group.

"Where do you think we should go from here?" Feng asked.

"Doesn't matter, we can't really say much with _them_ so close." Baek told him. "Just focus on getting out of here." the tunnel was long and dark; there was hardly any light, and somebody stumbled at least once every few steps.

In the dark, Anna lightly nudged Nina's arm; a signal to play along.

"Oh my god, Nina!" Anna shrieked. The men spun around wildly. "Nina, where'd you go!?"

"What are you talking about?" Lei asked.

"I don't know where Nina went!" Anna's voice was hysterical. Nina had flattened herself against the tunnel wall. "Ah!" Anna gave a shudder. "Something just slithered over my foot!"

"There's a snake in here?!" Ganryu exclaimed loudly.

"Don't be stupid!" Yoshimitsu's voice was drowned out by a wail from King.

"Something just grabbed my ankle!" Nina was having fun creeping along in the dark.

"I'm too old to die a horrible death!" Wang cried, and sprinted down the tunnel path. The rest of the men, scared, ran after him. When their footsteps died away, Anna laughed to herself.

"Did you get it?" She asked her sister.

"Yes." Nina held up the key she had stolen, along with Lei's wallet. They both sniggered rather cruelly before setting off again.

"Good, I bet Marduk will pay a good price for it when he gets to Japan." Anna said. "Well, let's go to G-Corp."

"G-Corp?" Nina asked. "How'd you figure that out?"

"I had to prepare for my role in tekken 6, so they made me visit the lab." Anna said, her face a little disgusted. "Two whole days of watching Julia in her natural habitat, it was awful."

Meanwhile…

"Are you going to tell us where we're going?" Hwoarang asked from the back seat.

"G-Corp." Kazuya grunted.

"Why?" Jin asked. Kazuya didn't answer. Instead he made a sharp turn.

"Is that the American group?" Steve asked, squinting upwards out of his window. Hwoarang and Jin also craned their necks, and saw the small airplane flying above.

"Yeah, I can see Paul's hair from here." Hwoarang noted.

"They're gonna get there before us!" Jin yelled indignantly.

"Oh no they're not." Kazuya muttered vehemently. He stepped on the gas.

Above them…

"Hey, that's Kazuya's car!" Paul pointed to the black car speeding along in the traffic.

"It's a little creepy that you know what his car looks like." Forrest said.

"So they think they'll reach G-Corp before we do, huh?" Marshal narrowed his eyes. "Forrest, hand me the shot gun."

"You can't hit them from up here!" His son argued.

"Right, you'll need to use our built in guns." Jim told them. He sat at the seat next to the pilot and began operating buttons.

Meanwhile…

Bryan had already hit the shore and was sprinting up towards G-Corporation. Not bothering to wait for traffic, he ran across the street and onto the sidewalk. He cursed as he spotted Kazuya's black car. He pulled out his trusty gun.

Beside Bryan…

Kazuya's car was blasted forward as an explosion hit the road behind them.

"They're shooting at us!" Steve yelled, looking at the plane. A bullet shot past Hwoarang's head. "And so is Bryan!"

"So that's how they want to play." Kazuya said darkly. He quickly grabbed a gun from the glove compartment and threw it back to Hwoarang. "You, shoot the cyborg. Those are special bullets that I stole from G-Corp." Hwoarang nodded before sticking himself halfway out of the window. "And you," Kazuya turned to his son. "Blast the plane with your third eye." Jin fought back a grimace. It felt weird opening that thing on his forehead. Nevertheless, he opened it and looked out the window.

Above…

"Those bastards." Marshal muttered. Jin's laser had hit a wing, and it was smoking.

"At least Bryan's helping us out." Forrest commented.

"We have no allies! Take him out!" Paul commanded. Jim aimed a hit at Bryan.

Meanwhile…

Nina and Anna stepped into the bright sunlight, only to find the men waiting for them.

"So, found her, have you?" Raven asked coldly.

"Yeah." Anna answered. She made to walk right past them, but they were in her way.

"Give us back our key you hookers!" Wang spat.

"And my wallet!" Lei glared at Nina.

"Even with that book, you guys are all a bunch of hopeless losers!" Anna yelled. "We're doing you a favor!"

"And you'll only spend your money on beer anyways, you lousy drunk!" That said, Nina and Anna pushed their way past and started sprinting. The angry men followed closely after.

Meanwhile…

"Okay," Suzuki said, eye twitching. "If you morons can answer this, I'll give you a key. I won't even make you look for it. But you have to get the hell out of here and never come back."

"I'm game." Heihachi said, and Marduk agreed. Suzuki had been asking the easiest riddles she could in hopes that they'd solve it and leave her alone.

"Alright, what's black and white and read all over?" She recited.

"Uh…what do you think?" Marduk asked.

"We could say the obvious answer…but it's probably a trick!" Heihachi decided. Suzuki deadpanned. "Kuma, get over here you stupid bear!"

Kuma glanced back at his master, only to turn his attention back to the sea shore.

"Worthless." Heihachi grumbled.

"A sun burnt zebra?" Marduk guessed. Slowly, Suzuki shook her head. She cast a pleading look to Kuma. Kuma walked up to them and began scribbling on his dry erase board.

"_For crying out loud!_" The grizzly wrote. "_It's a newspaper!_"

"Thank you." Suzuki said, throwing out two keys and walking away.

Meanwhile…

"Push faster!" Kazuya barked from the driver's seat.

"Yeah, push faster, Steve!" Hwoarang echoed before shooting Bryan in the leg.

"This is bullshit!" Steve yelled angrily. One of the Americans' bullets had hit the back of Kazuya's car, and as he hadn't had anything to do, Steve was forced to push the car by himself. "Why don't we just run to G-Corp?"

Indeed, they were already at the gates of G-Corp. Bryan was climbing over the fence, and the Americans' plane was zooming overhead. The woman's group could be seen charging on the road with their Jacks. The large group of men had apparently stolen a mini-van, and were chasing Nina and Anna, both of whom were riding motorcycles.

"Shit." Kazuya muttered before flinging his door open and charging out. Jin closed his third eye and was closely followed by Hwoarang and Steve. They climbed the fence and ran.

Meanwhile…

Bryan skidded to a stop once he reached the end of a hallway. He sniggered at the metal door that stood in his path before ripping it off of its hinges. Tossing it behind him, he entered another hallway.

He took a right, then stopped at what he knew must be the key's location. Slowly, he opened the door and entered.

End Chapter

A/N: ha-ha, cliff hanger! I know, stupid place to leave off, but I think the next chapter is going to be the last…yep, that's right, it'll all come to the end next time I choose to update. Peace, people.


	10. Lee's Book

-1Disclaimer: I don't own Tekken, despite what the voices in my head tell me.

Chapter 10: Lee's Book

No sooner had Bryan closed the door behind him than Kazuya came just as quietly through the door, followed by his faction.

"Ha--" Hwoarang's loud triumphant yell was cut short by a swift punch to the gut courtesy of Kazuya.

"Shut up." He growled in a low whisper. Hwoarang nodded, clutching his stomach while Jin smirked. But before much else could happen, the Americans burst through the door.

"You're not gonna--!" Paul started loudly.

"Shh!" Kazuya and Bryan hissed, their eyes widening dangerously.

"Why are we being so quiet?" Jin whispered. Before anyone could answer, however, Nina and Anna raced in, followed by the men they had stolen from. Anna took one quick look around the room before whispering harshly: "Everyone shut up!"

"Okay, this is really annoying--" Steve began to whine when the all female group came in silently led by Julia.

"Anyone else?" Lei asked, annoyed. Marduk, Kuma and Heihachi scrambled to get in. "Thought so." He muttered.

"Now will someone explain why we're being so quiet?" Forrest asked. In response, Kazuya jerked his thumb in the direction of the back of the room.

It was a rather spacious room, but in the back they could make out a slim figure sleeping on a bed. Curious, the large group cautiously made their way to the back.

It was a woman, and the most beautiful anyone had ever seen. The most extravagant words to describe her would still fall miserably short, any picture would be severely lacking. She had long, light brown hair that fell all around her as she slept, and her flawless skin was of a porcelain complexion. The only thing out of the ordinary was the fact that two small yellow wings poked out of her head. She held an ethereal charm.

"She's beautiful." Steve was spellbound.

"She's a ho." Asuka said, narrowing her eyes. She was right. The woman slept in a white mini dress which wasn't enough to cover the black lingerie she wore beneath it.

"Hey, shut up Asuka." Jin shot quietly, suddenly defensive.

"She's a siren." Julia explained, rolling her eyes. "That's why all the guys are going crazy over her."

"And why are we working so hard to make sure she stays asleep?" Lili asked snootily.

"You don't want to see her when she's awake, trust me." Julia answered.

"Bryan, what are you, gay?" Raven asked in a tone of slight disgust. Bryan was ignoring the woman and searching the room. He sneered.

"No, moron, I'm a cyborg, I just shut my 'attraction' off."

"Hey, this may just work to our advantage." Michelle noted as she and the other females turned away from the sleeping woman. The men were having a harder time tearing their gaze off of her.

"Come ON." Kazuya ordered, giving an effective triple-whack to the three on his team. They made sure to keep their gazes averted from the girl.

"Shit." Marshal simply couldn't stop looking.

"They couldn't have been lesbians." Wang said sourly. "Then they'd be just as stuck as we are."

Everyone began quietly lifting and opening objects around the room, searching for anything that might open with a key.

"Julia, don't you know where it is?" Jun asked.

"No, all I knew was that I saw her with a key exactly like it. She kept bragging about how she had something important that I'd never find, waving the key in front of my face…" The memory seemed to bring back rage.

"It has to be around here somewhere…" Feng muttered to himself, searching under the bed. He jumped and hit his head as a shrill scream sounded from above. He pulled himself up to see the reason for the woman's awakening.

"HWOARANG!" Everyone in the room yelled angrily.

"Hey, I alone can say I am not gay!" Hwoarang glared around the room at the men, still not removing his hand from her noticeable cleavage.

But the woman seemed more upset at the fact that there were people in her room than the fact that Hwoarang's hand was in an inappropriate place. She leered across the room with her golden eyes before they rested on Julia. She smiled.

"Oh, it's _Goolia_." she said in a sweet singsong voice.

"It's _Julia_." She replied, grinding her teeth.

"And what are you doing here?" The woman asked, shifting into a sitting position (With Hwoarang's hand still in place). She looked around some more. "Oh, and there's Anna, oh, hello, Mr. Mishima!" She gave a ditzy wave to Kazuya, but it was Heihachi who waved back. "EW!" she shrieked, and everyone had to cover their ears (yes, even Hwoarang).

"Look, Selene, do you know where the book is or not?" Julia snapped.

"Oh, so that's what this is all about!" Selene gave an excited squeal. She grinned. "So, how was Janet?"

"You know Janet?" Steve asked, repulsed.

"I convinced Lee to use Janet!" Selene burst into laughter.

"You bitch!" Bryan yelled.

"She's evil." Lei commented, glaring in her direction. "Incredibly hot, but evil."

"Just hand over the book, girl, and no one gets hurt." Kazuya threatened.

Selene cocked her head to one side. "Well, that wasn't very nice. I'm going back to sleep, I still have three more hours of naptime."

"Give me the book!" Marduk roared.

"Ugh! Is that Janet!?" Selene shot up into the air and hid behind Hwoarang.

"That," Jun started with a smirk. "Would be Marduk." Asuka caught on.

"And if you don't give us the book, we'll release him on you."

Selene gave another horrified little shudder before diving off of her bed and ripping a floorboard from its place. She threw it in Marduk's direction before taking out a book.

"Just take it, take it and stay the hell away from me!" she cried before tossing the book into the air.

"Got it!" Jin called, jumping into the air and snatching his prize. He tried to yank it open a couple of times before realizing it was locked. "The key, Steve, the key!"

Before any more could be said, however, Asuka kicked the book from his grasp. It skidded across the floor to Anna.

"Well, then, we'll be off." She said as she picked up the book.

"Not today, hooker!" Heihachi yelled, and Kuma swiped up the book.

"NO!" Michelle jumped on Kuma's back and yanked at his fur. He roared before dropping the book.

"Ha!" Paul yelled, picking it up. He gave a girlish shriek as Marduk charged towards him. He picked up Lili, who was nearest, and proceeded to use her as a bat. The book slipped through his fingers

"Put me down you--" Lili had to bend at an odd angle to avoid colliding with Marduk's face.

"And the wisest reaps the benefits." Wang chuckled, but when he put his key into the book, Ganryu made to snatch it up. It again landed on the floor.

"You fat-ass! We're on the same team!" The old man fumed.

"That was for all the fat jokes, grave-nudger!" Ganryu raged.

It soon turned into a full-out brawl. Heihachi had found a broom in the corner of Selene's room and was whacking everyone in sight. Selene's shrieking was going unnoticed as the fighting continued.

"This," She yelled in appalled tones. "Is an outrage! If you animals want to brawl then get away from my face! Or at least all the ugly people!" She shrieked and dove as a vase went flying towards her head.

Lili had gotten out of Paul's grip and was kicking him while he lay on the ground.

"I- ALMOST - MADE - CONTACT - WITH- HIS - FUGLY - FACE!" She yelled between kicks.

"Crazy hooker!" Paul managed to cry out before rolling out of the way.

Nobody seemed to notice that Marduk was crawling on the floor, inching his way towards the book. Quiet and stealthy (well, by his standards) he made his way through the brawl and grabbed the book. He grinned at the thought of all of his wildest (and horrifying) dreams turned into a reality.

"No!" Ling screamed, pointing down to where Marduk had opened the book. Immediately, everyone dog piled on him.

"You better not have read anything!" Anna yelled angrily, kicking his face with her high heel.

"It's mine!" King yelled.

"Mine!" Hwoarang made a grab for it.

"To hell with that!" Kunimitsu lunged for it, but Yoshimitsu stopped her.

Kazuya caught the book and rolled onto his stomach, shielding it from everyone else. Everyone's weight shifted onto him, and his face turned red.

"Kazuya, I'm open!" Jin waved his arms from the other end of the room. Unable to speak, Kazuya merely shook his head vigorously. "Don't be an ass!" Jin yelled.

"Give it up, Kazuya." Jun managed to choke out from directly on top of him. "You'll never win!"

"Hey, Mishima, over here!" Hwoarang yelled. He was still standing next to Selene. Kazuya threw the book at him with no hesitation.

"You asshole!" Jin yelled.

Hwoarang began to open it with trembling hands as the other fighters scrambled to get up. He opened it, and his face fell before Heihachi snatched it from his hands.

"I win! I'm the new playboy!" Heihachi didn't notice Hwoarang's look of disappointment. Kazuya whacked his father on the bald spot before ripping the book from him.

"What!?" Kazuya seethed, glaring down at the book that had caused so much trouble. The others craned their neck over his shoulders to read the first page.

_SUCKERS!_

Lei grabbed the book from Kazuya and began desperately turning the small book's pages. All blank.

"NOOOOOO!" Wang fell to his knees, devastated. "Ow, my knees." He added as an afterthought.

"I'm gonna kill that fag the next time I see him!" Bryan declared, crushing the worthless book.

Selene was sprawled out on her bed, laughing hysterically at the tekken fighters' devastation and anger.

"Ooh, I'm gonna --" Michelle was interrupted by the sound of one lonely pair of hands clapping slowly, almost sarcastically. Glaring as a whole, they all turned to the door.

Lee stood in the doorway, still clapping with a very smug expression. "Well done." He told them. "You found the book."

"You suck!" Steve yelled.

"You better have a very good reason for all of this." Baek hissed.

"Oh, I do. Revenge." He turned his gaze to Kazuya. "Did you really think I was so stupid? To keep a log of my feelings in a house run by that baboon?" He indicated Heihachi. "And furthermore to leave it under my _mattress_?"

"You've been doing it for more than forty years." Kazuya growled.

"No, no, that was all a part of my plan." Lee explained, obviously taken with his ingenious plan. "I'd write things in that book, then I'd follow through, purposely getting myself into trouble by either you or Heihachi. I knew that this plan required your reliance on the 'truth' of the book.

"With the help of Selene, Suzuki, and Janet." He nearly spat the last name out. "I created the illusion of the ultimate hit-on book, with a complex obstacle course and a key requirement." His eyes took in the angry and in some cases twitching faces of the fighters. "Come on, did it really make sense for me to write a book on my expertise for an heir I don't plan on having?"

"We assumed you were going to hand-pick one of your illegitimate children." Jin said through gritted teeth.

"Moronic." Lee answered nonchalantly. He noticed the fighters closing in on him and acted quickly, turning to the females. "Of course, Combot has his imperfections; I didn't mean to drag all of _you_ into this, but it's a good thing you know just how your men think, hm?" He gave them a charming smile.

The women's glare remained hard for a few seconds more before Jun sighed. "Well, he does have a point."

"Bull shit." Kazuya took out a book from his coat. Lee raised an eyebrow at his journal. Kazuya cleared his throat before repeating the book titles his son and idiot companions had read aloud, and a few others. "_How to please a tree _ by Julia Chang, _Hide your dike-ishness behind booty shorts _by Michelle Chang, _Behind the Mask: ugly or hot _ by Kunimitsu and _I Hit on My Uncle because I didn't know we were related_ by Asuka Kazama." All heads turned to Asuka.

"Did not!" She fumed.

Lee was already down the hall.

"GET HIM!" Jun cried, and everyone charged in his direction.

Once they had caught up to him, Kazuya grabbed Lee by the collar of his shirt.

"I'm going to beat you so badly no one will take you!" He threatened. But Jun caught his arm before he could strike.

"Now, Kazuya." She said sweetly. "Let's not be so rash. I have something better in mind."

Something in Jun's eyes made Lee shudder.

About an hour later…

"I said I was sorry! I won't do it again! This punishment does not fit the crime!" Lee's muffled yells were ignored.

"Shut up." Jin ordered bitterly, kicking the door. They could hear a commotion in the next room, it sounded as though Lee had knocked over a drawer.

"Ah, don't make me beg, sweetie-pie." They heard Janet say. Asuka cackled evilly.

"I told you, we can only be friends!" It sounded as though Lee's desperate attempts to save himself were getting him nowhere. "I said stay away!" They heard a crashing noise. Lei smirked.

"You're not the man I thought you were!" They heard Janet howl.

"_You're_ not the man I thought _you _were!" Lee countered. They heard another deafening crash. "Come on!" He pleaded at the door.

"Nope." Michelle answered simply. "We bought Janet for an hour, you still have…fifty minutes."

"Maybe we shouldn't have taken his shirt." Julia held up Lee's blue vest.

"Nah, he'll be fine." Nina said. They all laughed at his misfortune.

End of story

**A/N: OMG I finished it! Now I'm sad…well, not really, I have another idea for a fic. Still, can't believe I finished. Review if you enjoyed!**


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